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Old 01-06-06, 03:44 PM   #10
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
Posts: 657
From: Ole' Harrisburg Pa
IP:

Fletcherator - Ok, in a sense this piece was solid and in a sense this piece was weak. Your vocabulary was small and not so colorful. Which I know is what your going for here so I wont go on about how that helps the pieces. I just want to add however that good vocabulary and descriptive, vivid words, help increase the emotion and imagery. Now moving on to................. emotion and imagery. Your imagery was beautiful. I mean, this was basically a story line, so the picture in my head was there throughout the whole entire piece. I feel as the plot ran down your piece got more emotional. The end where you were telling/explaining the whole meaning of scattering thorns and walking. blah blah blah.. Especially with the whole, fighting and what not, it got pretty emotional in there and such.

Pretty decent if you ask me and I think if you Did use a brighter vocab. this piece would have been more vivid and complex. This was pretty straight forward and simple, and it had its moments, but nothing out of the ordinary. Good job.

Mentalator - Your piece was for the most part, dope but some scraps and tittles werent as good as you could have been. Lets start with your vocabulary. Pretty solid job, good colorful words and it made this a complex piece that made the mind think. Your imagery was pretty good. I had a mental picture drawn out of what you were trying to get across but nothing like Fletchers. Your emotion however was very heartfelt I think. 3rd paragraph/verse/stanza was probably the most emotional one of the 3. Very powerful when you were talking about his soul and such.

All in all thats what I have to say. I think your weak point in this piece was the 2nd verse/stanza/para. it just seemed to ramble on in some points and I kind of felt bored but that 3rd one just 180'd the whole verse.. Good job man.

Overall n' shit - Fletch you had a good piece but it felt to me as if it were just to simplistic. I understand that the vocabulary thing from your p.o.v. but, this piece would have been so much better if you would have used a more colorful vocab. Mentalz your piece was probably the better of the two just because it had better vocab and emotion. The imagery went to Fletch but I was feeling Mentalz piece more on this one. Good writing you two and hope to see you later in the tourney.

\V/ - Mentalz.
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