this is a fucking joke.. I used this the other day during my amateur nights stand up comedy act at the comedy nest bar

"So I went on a vacation to Belise this summer with some friends, and over there me and my friend decided to go on this cool cave rafting trip. Well while me and my friend were walking through the forest, this fucking snake, with red scales and black and yellow stripes on its head crawled right up into my friends bathing suit and bit his fucking dick! I KNOW, CRAZY RIGHT? So he was freaking out yelling CALL 911 CAL 911, so ofcourse I freak out too right and I call 911 as fast as I can and explain the situation. When I described the snake to her she said it was very deadly and that i'd have to suck the venom out *long pause and deep sigh*. "Really now? Well ok thanks, have a nice day operator." So my friend turns to me and yells WHAT DID THEY SAY?? "Sorry man... they said you're going to die"

hahahaha had the whole fucking place cracking up...

then I twisted my leg backwords cuz im double jointed, and started talking bout how I sucked at soccer too much to play in the regular league so I faked I was crippled and played in the mcdonald handicap league. I was talking bout even when my leg was backword it wasnt hard to score on a drooling goalie in a wheel chair

looll i'm so funnyyy