this piece shows you have a ton of potential...if you could just...up your vocab....and clean up your syllable count...not settle for specific words...and explore the dictionary to find something that A...not only sounds better...but B..is more appropriate and fits better within the context of your piece...and to top it off...have more multies...multies are going to engage the reader..especially with something in a story format that really has no plot development...you do all those things..and you've got a piece that transforms from..displaying potential..to..displaying a high degree of talent.

nice drop...stay up...let me know when you drop something new

__________________

Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew