okay here we go:

You started off good man...i was loving it, it had good flow and was on point for the most part.

Though the first 4 lines didnt really draw me in..i sort of had to force my self to keep reading...which im glad i did.

You displayed good imagery and meaning with your piece man....and dont just be like word w/e. Because being a topical head, it is very important to have both. And you also showed good discipline as a writer and incorporated very distinct emotion....you didnt add excessive amounts of it...you let the reader pick up his/her own idea of what you wrote creating their own emotion. Which i have yet to see, and its actually quite dope.

A couple problems I saw, would have been your wording...Your vocabulary wasn't outstanding but...this is the type of piece that you want to keep it on a mid-level which u did...I would just refrain from using words like "so," 1-2 times is fine...but after that it sort of is a little 2 noticeable.

Your flow did fall off a bit in the second verse, though ur meaning was mroe appreciated and distinct. You also fell off and basically could use a little work on your wording.

So basically everything is fine, the read was good....i think you should be a topical head...and part time text....you have some good talent 2v. My only concern with you, would be your wording.

Quotables:

''And 2v.. Might just try to explain this but the way you perceive it,
Is what keeps me up on weekdays and trying to explain myself on weekends''

''So your made up person is standin'
...on the street bench waiting........ for their mother
On a street that's fuckin' dark & long, with big buildin's and deep gutters.''

''And women get harmed, in this natural world of sinnin' & scorn,
All livin' is born from the pleasure & pain from limited porn.''

''I tear the page, fuck what anyone finds to be appealin',
'Cuz money is power, so it's bad when you use your power to steal it,''

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A LIFE OF CHRYME