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Originally Posted by Po' Wit.
Wordz - Your piece had great emotion to it. That was most definately your strong point here. Now you did slip up when it came to the vocabulary, and imagery. This was like a story line but because your choice of words wasn't very vivid or complex, it really didn't give good imagery.
I would try to work on vocab and imagery. Try to really give the reader something to picture in the head. It will double if not triple the entertainment the reader gets from your piece.
I have to leave work, allow me to finsih this when i get home.
lol srry.
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As I was saying.....
Overall decent read for someone who doesn't put out a lot of topicals.
Lamp - Your piece was nicely put together. Your vocabulary was very colorful. I fell that some of your lines were a little crammed with higher syllable words which stretched your lines here and there but overall they weren't bad. The imagery was pretty good here, definately better than Wordz' but, he gave more emotion than you did. It evens out though in those two categories.
The structure showed that some of your lines were a bit stretched but I shalln't repeat myself.
overall - I think everything that i've said should some up my decision. Lamp pretty much owned this in everything except for emotion. The only thing I can bash lamp about is his font size. That shit was way too small. I shouldn't have to squint to read a whole piece. I admit i'm not 20/20 vision but, it's quite annoying.
\V/ - Lampejo