If this was a poem and I was a teacher I would give you an A+. But for a song, that grade would be lower....you need a better rhyme scheme and better choice of words.

Scrutiny and mutiny prevail in her forever faithful depression

^In her forever faithful depression?

Shakespeare? Is that you?

C'mon, my opinion is that you are trying too hard to be complex and all. You didn't seem to care about rhyming it, but rather on making it abstract. The grammar also doesn't need to be perfect when writing a song. Focus more on making it entertaining rather than looking smart.

You did have a nice concept here, try to deliver it with less Langston Hughes,