More feedback.

The structure has been fixed to a readable structure. The stretched lines are gone which is a plus, it makes the verse flow a lot more. You are still using the // at the end of your lines. That is pointless because the rhymes tell the reader where the break in lines is. Also, the fact that you move down to a new line sort of gives that away to. So, when you drop again just leave the // out because people find them to be annoying.

The first thing I thought after reading this was that it was an improvement on the last piece of yours I read. Although, I have to say that when I get to the end I was left feeling like the piece was unfinished. Its like you've got a mad flow going and you just end it so abruptly and I feel like there should just be more, or at least a little closing to the piece. At the moment it just seems like there should be more.

Again, the concept for the piece is a little unoriginal. I mean rapping about crime and prison and the problems with the world is just old now. Too many people have done it and the whole appeal of it is lost on most people now.

The flow in this piece was mad to begin with, it sort of fell off in the middle and it seemed like you was trying to hard. Some of the rhymes just didn't come off well in my opinion. Also, I found that the use of multies was real nice in places but it was a little weak in other places. Its like you had the same multi rhyme going for like the first 7 lines and then you switched to a different set for the next 4 lines and then you started to just drop one line with one set and move on and it fucked up the flow a little bit. Towards the end though you pulled it back and finished with a decent flow, a nice use of multies and overall it was cool.

My only tips are for you to try and come up with a nice, original concept for a piece instead of dropping verses about lifes of crime and all that played shit. Also, try increasing the complexity of your multies instead of throwing these collection of small one or two syllable words together. Also, when you've finished the verse just give it a read through to ensure that the flow doesn't fall off in places like it did here.

Now, I'm done.