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Old 07-26-05, 03:47 PM   #15
Spoken Word
Still The Dopest Alive
 
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Posts: 135
From: NY State Of Mind
IP:

I hope this vote counts, im a topical battler myself so ill breakdown each verse.


Os1ris:

Amazing verse, i was kinda suprised because you were going against too other people and you got to choose your own topic, i think it would have been a better battle if all 3 had wrote about the same topic but i guess it was a decent idea. First off, your flow was perfect, almost every line had the ability to just roll off your tongue, which inn a long verse is very hard to do buy tou captured it. You had good wordplay and the imagery was good, i think you could have been a little more detailed but for the most part you ke[t on track. Good choice of a topic and you worked it to your advantage. You were very creative and i liked how you broke it down into 3 parts, you frist 2 parts were almost perfect. I see a couple spots where you could have wrote something different to make it have a better effect but for the most part the first 2 verses were great. Your last verse fell off a bit, i didnt feel it as much but i did get the idea you were putting out there. All in all i think you did really good.

Overall: 8.7/10


The Revelation:

Well first off your verse wasnt as good as it could have been. Your rhyme scheme was off a bit too much, some lines didnt rhyme and other lines werent needed at all. Your imagery was ok but also could have been better. Your topic was good and you should have gotten deeper into it but you kinda slipped off in some places. I liked how you did the chain of events, everything was sort of on a timeline so to speak. Like Os1ris i appreciated the 3 parts of your verse, but you could have been more descriptive. Your emotion was good, when you needed words to describe a feeling you used the perfect ones. It was creative but yet not exactly unique. All in all it was a good verse could have been better.

Overall: 7.4/10


Big Chase:

You as well as the others started off well, the storyline was good but i felt that how you switched up your story quickly was unneccesary. If you would have continued the same way you started the verse it would have had a better impact. The imagery was ok, but you didnt really get too descriptive until the last part of your verse, but when you got detailed, you stuck with it. You have a way with words and know how to use them for your advantage. I think if you would have stayed on that same pattern your verse would have been perfect but you fell off in my opinion too many times. Still a good verse.

Overall: 7.8/10


Vote: Os1ris