It's obvious both of you aren't really topical heads...no hate of course but it's good y'all doing this because it can improve your overall writing you know.

I think it's a rather close battle actually, the different topics make it even harder to really compare both.

Blackmage: I actually liked your piece because it had a sort of raw emotion to it. The storyline had potential but I feel you jumped from one thing to another here and there, might have worked it out better you know. The imagery was there, you used interesting images. The flow was decent I thought, didn't really have stretched lines, the flow worked for piece like this. Your vocab may not have been all that but that allowed you to express a clear, raw, real emotion you see. I would've liked more details here and there though.

Past Tense: okay, a picture topic can be quite tricky because no one will look at it the same way you know. The storyline you chose was interesting but I think you should've added more details, especially in the last part. I wanna know the thoughts that went through his head when he hanged himself. The emotion was decent but I feel you could've done a lot better with this storyline, same goes with imagery. You used good images and your emotion was good in places but you could've done a lot more with this storyline.

This is a close call right here but I think I'll go with Blackmage even though I feel Past Tense's storyline had more potential to it. Just didn't use it to the fullest you know and that's a shame. Blackmage dropped some raw thoughts which I definitely liked so, vote goes to him.

Quotables:

I pray it "crush and keep crushing" I used to beg it to cease
but life's beyond my repair to far gone, i want release
I'm steeped in the riches of thought but i'm not proud of my wealth
Wish i could unzip my soul and crawl out of myself
^good emotion right here, I love the last line of unzip my soul and craw outta myself...real nice...

Is Suicide the awnser,no,it cant be why waste sucha a talent
Its just I need someone in my life too be there too just hold the balance

into the bathroom with a rope,the day I left myself Hung,dead the phone rung
It was the people who stole my music,song was a hit,they wanted more done
^good emotion here as well

Vote: Blackmage

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