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As Seen On T.V.
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IP:
Split the Pie...
Hells Fire:
your verse was decent, your story board was
dominant, and very visible throughout the entire
piece. you came correct, your vocab was not too
extensive, although you did included many forms
of speech. however, i was not appeased with the
multiple stanzas that repeated the same para-
phrase for 4 lines. the whole parellel bar structure
was not very good, literate at best. you had a nice
image of your work before you began to type, but
the words you used, i did not feel fully expressed
what it is you were trying to get at. nice job.
you earned 22% of the pie.
Drama Queen:
amazing imagery. overall you carried out the best
topical that actually desrcibe the T without bending
it, or perviously aultering its original portrait. here,
you well painted out the topic, and fully have shown
exactly what a great topical battle consists of. nice
piece, i cannot find one ounce of critism in me that
would better this verse. you came even more correct
you dropped a good piece. the structure was good, the
length was perfect, i think from now on, i will start
shortening mine, because i admire that structure. you
keyed with a fundamental and ample amount of vocab.
was not over the top but, your verse was amazing.
you earned 28 % of the pie.
anxiety:
you and i, in a way have the same style. the lines are
short and legible, long enough to carry a rythm, but
have that distinct amount of syllables to create a perfect
structure. the multis were amazing, and well placed.
the vocab was good as well, it was simple and petite,
i like that. i too, am over the seductive vocab, that most
rookies appeal to...forcing them to believe "this person
uses large words, they must be good, im voting for them"
but here that was not the case, you came better than both
of your opponents verses, i like how you used the topic to
your advantage, and applied it to your personal state ( that
this is your last topical ). if that is true. your verse has great
scheme and an amazing base.
you earned 50 % of the pie.
vote: ANXIETY
__________________
quote your own damn lyrics...
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