ok, this was ok. the length you was rite on. i got bored reading it not becuase of the length, but becuase you went off focus in some places. im not going to knock on you for that. but heres what i think you should have done. you should have made this poem in to a sequence of chapters that way, you can start off fresh on each drop. but i will leave feed bieng that i read the whole thing.

His eyes, mocked a deer in the head lights
The sanity and blood lust begin to fight
Mind gridlocked, conscious dwindles to his toes
Heart skips a beat, senses and motion froze
^^^"i know that this is your poem and this is how you wanted to write it, but in my opinion you came out a bit to hard on them beggining lines.

As a visual connection builds, he finds himself in their imagination
Intoxicating neurotic personality, much for a weak mind to be facing
^^^iiight. to much big words could over complicate things when a reader is trying to grasp the full meaning of the poem.

This life mocking his nightmares, a psychosis comes to life
Payback for a soul that ,for years, slid on a sharpened knife
^^^this was different. for some reason i think you could have swithed this around and used this as your opener.

but that all thee time i have rite now but think about what i said.