well the format change to ya verses helped ya flow and structure a lot.where before i seen a person with a positive attitude who needed help, now i see a person wit a good attitude and a lot of potential. the first thing is ur gonna need to drop the street topics and thugh lyrics. they just normally dont fly on this site with readers. i personally dont have a problem with it and would never tell u to change what u feel u need to right about. but save that for your actual music. try writing about some different, more complex topics. the least it will due will help extend your vocabulary as well as help u furthur develop your usage of different literary devices. that way when you actually do your songs about whatever you want them to be about, your total package will be there.

but as far as this piece, it had a good flow to it and a couple of good punchlines. your finisher actually was kinda funny. you just need to word on ya rhyme scheme a little more in order to make it flow more fluently. i dunno what it is, maybe a few more multies and you'd be good. like i said, i like how u actually take criticism as a way of elevating so as long as you continue to drop, ill continue to leave feed on your pieces.
this was and decent drop, nothing special but not bad either
6.5-7/10

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C.S.

...Is to have Served Your Faction