OK..first.....just to let you know....I am deranged..so....

Spektiful-Decent shit here.Good parts was ....flow wuz good n that the storyline was captivating.Keep me intersted through the whole thing.Now..the bad part..I is saw you were trying to get the idea to us..that the boy was poor.But the only description you used(ripped clothes/dirtyjeans/homeless teen)...wuz bland.And also..the part where the guy got beat up...it went too quick.all you said wuz "they kicked him till he bleed n he hit the ground".One line?I thought you shoulda made 2 bars at least for that part.Bassically..wat i'm trying to tell you is..get more descriptive.I ain't telling you to go Stephen King on us with 20 lines describing one thing..but just be more descriptive a bit.


Drama Queen-Ok..vocab n shit wuz good.Followed topic nicely.But...Flow wuz awful.NO offence to that.But it sucked.U seem to have too much text flow..and text flow means when you stretch ur lines or shorten them too much just for structure.And your transition from line to line was horrible.Just seemed to be..outta place.And as for content..good complexity n metas for describing shit...but i have to say...i wuz bored during it.sorry.I just wuz.Maybe..work on flow/transitition...and prob...get more interesting with ur verses?

Vote-Spektitful
RTF DOWN HERE MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=208348