this is short and simple.you dont really bring me a picture and thats the meat of poetry so you should work on trying to expand the image you are trying to show.also this is a heavily used topic so you have to come very strong and judging by this you dont have the strength for that yet.try love poems and work from there.its easy to talk about what you love because you feel more passionately about it and therefore it reflects in your words.

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