sort of reminds me of "Immortal" the political aspect, and for the most part i
was digging your message and the way you approached the topic, your emotion
was nice throughout, frustration , fury and a bit of sarcasm lol, made for an
interesting read. you had a lot of good internals and multis, some seemed a
little forced and others were fire. Now as for the critique i would suggest
writing your piece in "word" so you can check the spelling mistakes. i mean
it only takes a second to use spellcheck and then copy and paste. It may
seem pedantic but it will show your trying to acheive perfection, your not
on the mic so utilize anything to help evolve and enhance your piece.Also
it makes for a much smoother read and people even on a subconcious level
will appreciate it more. some of your syllable counts were out as well. though
only in one or two lines nothing major. you may want to add a quote or your
signature to the bottom of your piece as well, just a couple of spaces down
this just insures that the verse doesnt look caged in by the dimensions of
the post box, purely an asthetics thing, but like i said perfection.i enjoyed this
piece overall its just the finer points that need adressing...im out fam

..........peace