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Old 12-01-03, 05:45 PM   #23
Content
Special Ghost To Blow
 
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Posts: 721
From: Pittsburgh,Pennsylvania Baby
IP:

Well I expect nothing less than thought prvoking lyrics from the two of you...you have really brought it all together and lived up to the topic with your words...I appreciate it..and you both should appreciate your elevation because it brings the best out of you...

now to the pieces...

Camarac / Baron Mind

For showing me when Angers Raised, to just turn And Walk Away

~it might be the storyline from an Eyedea song~
~not copying though..decent line~

if there's ANY form of heaven: please tell my angel That I
Loved her Dearly..
.. i never got the chance to do so, before she Passed By..
But Clearly..
our Bonds Alive. i sense ur presence though were Miles Apart
and you'll ALWAYS have a place ..
next to the Memories trapped in the Confines of my Heart.

~some had stood out..a lot different...
but I know your a good writer and you wrote
this as if you were trying to put the pieces back together~


this was a good write but you could have been better man

Deacon

just a nieghborhood fixture on the corner drinking liquer

~more of a storyline..more imagery..appreicated...~

Blames the system of building jails instead of schools,
Blames religion is a sent of useless rules
~i liked this line here it just makes you think a little~

the slightest touch from the heavens can heavily change its odds,
and tip the scales to either side of the problem in our lives,
He found faith in a cage and his minds already free,
He could float through these walls far beyond what he can see.
He sees the sun as a cross that he'll carry if need be,
but ofcourse his body wants to join his soul and be free

~the first two lines of this got me..the rest was icing~
~good imagery and wordplay..which is usually
nonexistant from you~

this was great

now for a judgling...I would have to go with deacon on this...
a liked what both of you had to say and you painted pictures
with the topic beautifully but deacon had stood out more with
his wordplayand imagery compared to camaracs straightforward picking up the pieces approach...if my reply to judge these pieces isnt appreciated...at least I didnt copy and paste like Gege

I rock coffhouses and battle outside of this...ill hear twenty some poets from six a clock to eleven on a friday night..I know poetry
and im well aware of both of you approached this topic so now
im picking who stood out to me..take it like men please

Vote : Deacon
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