Just one thing, don't start with "Yo" and the line that ended with paper didn't rhyme. Try to give the story a better transission. One minute he's at the bank now he's in the woods all of a sudden he's clutching a bible. And don't use filler lines like the bores line. You got potential so keep elevating best of luck to you.

__________________

THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU