well, first thing first...

Hook:

Very amateurish and kinda predictable:

Look up in the sky, its a bird, its a plane ---- used by red and meth on how high and also used by newbie emcee MIMS...this whoel concept is a dead issue....try being a lil more original... try to come up with a new way to put ya story out there... the hook is only setting you the listener up for a dissapointing retelling of a story already told but in your own twisted way.

Verse one:

ok... the concept of being a superhero emcee... ehhhhh... it's been done before and one way or another.. and not just recently... i'm talking back in the eighties when cats were still doing original tracks and rhymes... this is nothing new...

your rhyme scheme definitely needs some work... it's too choppy... inconsistent.... the story jumps around from one thought to the next without any consideration for blending them together seamlessly... your thoughts should flow smoothly and allow for a natural transition as opposed to a forced one....

example:

I'm the Man Of Steel, and yes, you best believe I'm real/
You can call me Clark Kent, I'll put a dent in your grill/

i get the whole concept of when Clark got hit by the taxi in the original movie...but the two lines don't have a smooth transition... the two thoughts have no real relation

Not your teeth, man, I'm talking bout the front of your jeep/
Sorry about that son, I don't they don't come cheap/

i'm gonna be real with you and tell you that this is just straight up mediocre... no real thought or effort put into this line at all... it screams "amateur!"

So I fly around the world, reverse time and change the scene/
Who would have thought that an alien being would be MC'ing/

how does this relate to the last line?... find your transition... the last line should lead the reader straight into the next with out perplexing the few brain cells that were left after reading the beginning parts... joking... but seriously, if you pay attention to any book and HOW it is written you will see how one idea leads to the next.

My incredible mind stores more information than computers/
Crushin' MC's like microphone holding Lex Luthors/

this line makes absolutely no sense whatsoever... you reread it and then get back to me and tell me what YOU think that line means...

I save the day, fly back and come bailin' out the phone booth/
Step to the nearest cypher and remove some thugs gold tooth/

again... no transition...no connection... ya just came outta nowhere with this line and it's pretty pointless

Son tried as he might to spit some lyrical Kryptonite/
But it was useless compared to the mics that I ripped tonight/

what mics did you rip?.... this is the first dude introduced in the piece that you encountered!... again... stop with the random lines... if you wanna do a story format you gotta keep the story in proper perspective.. there is a natural order to things and you're fucking with that order big time... don't rush your work... go back and make sure that it actually makes sense...

Then I flew off to the Fortress of Solitude/
Rolled up a Super Blunt, got Super High, and ate a hell of alot of food/

jumping again... no smooth transition...doesnt connect the previous line... i had a hard time watching this story unfold....people become succesful writers by studying their craft and taking their time.... no one writes a good book on the first try... they edit... they proofread... they have someone else proof it.... there is a draft process before it reaches the final stages...

i admire your drive... you kinda remind me of myself when i first started writing... i actually thought all of my stuff was good... but how good can ya stuff be when i was writing 3 full songs per day with 3 verses each?i had no form or structure... only concentrated on style... i had to learn taht to get better i had to focus more... i had the raw talent but i still needed work ... now... more than 10 years later i am still learning from others... older and younger... take advantage of the english language and all of the rules that go with it... use your favorite emcees as examples... pick apart songs they've done and find out how they made certain concepts work... it will benefit you greatly in the end and you'll be able to find your OWN style and have kats looking at YOUR work as an example of how to write one day....


Be easy lil homie... keep practicing

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