CounTREE Jay: like how you divided it into those seperate paragraphs. Strongest aspect of your piece was the emotion. You gave very detailed discription of every phase and managed to express the emotion. Found good balance concerning your vocab, had some amusing lines in there (for example: No girls, they have cooties, we stay gay in a happy way, and tell them keep away). Weakest aspect is the flow because your sentences are mad long, it's difficult to keep the flow consistent.

Epitomy: I feel that you kinda rushed yours, you followed CounTREE Jay's approach but failed to give an indepth description which decreased the emotion. Had your flow on lock though and vocab as well as structure were tight but for me, the emotion has to be strong in a topical battle and I feel CounTREE Jay came stronger on that aspect. Like your ending though with the questions and such.

Good but long ass read by both of you...vote goes to CounTREE Jay

DQ

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