The Matches


MOVIE BATTLES

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
vs.
The Harry Potter Movies

Well, hot damn! Its about fucking time these two movie franchises squared off.
The powerhouse Lord of the Rings Trilogy probably has the advantage in this battle. I mean, come on, the main hero is a fucking hobbit and it works. But then, the Harry Potter movies can go the distance, I mean fuck me, they are on their what, 5th movie now and still going strong. It will be the short but powerful performance of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings up against the captivating, durability of Rowling's Harry Potter series. Its Harry vs. Frodo, Hermione vs. Legolas, that ginger kid vs. Gimli, Dumbledore vs. Gandalf. Its fucking magic vs. swords... who will win?


Scarface
vs.
The Godfather

Holy shit! Its a fucking clash of the two hardest, baddest motherfucking gangster movies ever made. But which is the better? Most will say that The Godfather is "the greatest movie ever made" but I think Scarface's "little friend" may have something to say about that. Who will emerge the mightiest gangster of all, Don Corleone or Tony Montana. This is fucking war people, this is Al Pacino vs. Al Pacino... you can't buy fucking that kind of brawl. It is fucking unprecedented... still though, The Godfather has the larger fan base, it could prove decisive in this match up.


Die Another Day
vs.
Casino Royale

Hhmmm... interesting. The last two Bond movies are going to meet up and see which is the more dominant. Will the rumours be proven true? Will that gay dude from Casino Royale prove that he owns the fuck out of Pierce Brosnan's Bond portrayal? Which is the better Bond movie? Fuck man, neither one of them is in my book... but we don't want to delve back into the days of Live And Let Die.. otherwise this wouldn't be a fucking competition. My money is on the gay motherfucker taking an ass whooping, COME ON BROSNAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!


Aliens
vs.
The Matrix

Wow, this should prove to be an entertaining match up. Its two of the biggest movies ever fucking made squaring off. Its the fucked up shit from Aliens vs. the fuck up your mind shit from The Matrix. Can Neo's almighty array of comic book stolen fucking superpowers beat off the colossal force of aliens and the deadly Ripley. Perhaps Neo may require back up from the likes of Trinity and Morpheus, hell, even Agent Smith could join the fight. Who knows? One thing is for sure though, you fuckers may be able to dodge bullets... but lets see you dodge flying fucking acid motherfuckers!!


Independence Day
vs.
War of the Worlds

Well, what do you know... its one alien invasion vs. another alien invasion. Which invasion is the best? Who fucking cares? Both the fucking invasions were beaten by the likes of Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith and Tom Cruise. But, these two colossal movies want to square up and see who had the bigger impact. War of the Worlds was a remake, and remakes generally suck ass... will that prove to be the deciding factor here? But then, where the fuck do you think Independence Day got the idea for their movie, FUCKING WAR OF THE WORLDS!! No doubt this will finally put our minds at ease in knowing who was the more dominant alien invasion box office hit. Yeah right, like any of us fucking care. Neither movie was fucking that great to begin with.


MOVIE CHARACTER BATTLES

Terminator
vs.
Robocop

Dude, holy shit! Word up motherfuckers! I've been seriously wanting to see this confrontation for fucking years. These two colossal giants are finally going to meet in battle and see who is the more dominant cybernetic bad ass. Robocop had more movies, and it got a fucking series also... it has the longevity which Terminator does not. But wait, Terminator is having a 4th movie to match Robocop... and hot damn! The Sarah Connor Chronicles are more than likely gonna hit tv screens soon to.. so there is your fucking series to match. Who is going to triumph? Its "I'll Be Back!" vs. "You have 5 seconds to comply!" Its one dope movie against another. I am so fucking excited I just jizzed all down my pants. BRING IT ON BITCHES!!


Austin Powers
vs.
James Bond

Dun dun dun!! The battle of the superspies. Its serious acting vs. comedy acting. Its a raw action movie vs. a piss take movie. Its fucking astonishing good looks vs. bad teeth. Hell, its fucking one actor per role vs. I'm gonna play half the fucking people in the movie.
Lets be honest, its one massive franchise vs. a few fucking movies people found moderately amusing. Still though, when it comes to being a superspy... Powers has the advantage. Bond needs all those gadgets, Powers needs his judo chop. They both manage to get the bitches, so that's really a toss up to who wins there. I've got Austin Powers taking this. Bond was so shit that he's been played by fucking countless people, Powers has been played by one. However, James Bond always has a challenge. How the fuck can Austin Powers be beaten when he plays all the fucking bad guys to?


Rambo
vs.
Rocky

Its infinite bullets vs. infinite stamina.
Its one 60 year old vs. another 60 year old.
How on earth can you pick a winner out of this. I mean, both characters are well know, played by the same damn person, both loved and both just never seem to quit. Rocky and Rambo are both hard as fuck, have a seemingly endless stamina that is fucking baffling. But, Rambo does have his military training and his guns that never lose ammunition no matter how many hours he spends with his finger glued to the fucking trigger. And then you have Rocky though, the guy who seems to want people to beat on him before he unleashes a barrage of punches to annihilate his opponent. Based on this, I've got Rambo getting the early rounds under his belt, but then Rocky finishing with a flurry and scoring the KO.


Mike Lowery
vs.
Marcus Burnett

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we come for you?
And just like the two of them, I do not know the rest of the words.
Ah well, who is going to be the ultimate Bad Boy? The slick dresser or the funny ass motherfucker. We all know damn well who is the more hardcore cop, Mike Lowery. But maybe, just maybe with the support of his family, Marcus Burnett can overturn the good looks and charm of his partner and get the W. I don't care who wins, it will still be dope as fuck because both dudes are hilarious.
LMFAO!!
*slips Marcus some ecstasy pills*


Wayne Campbell
vs.
Garth Algar

Oh..My..Fucking..God!!
This right here is going to be the single most, stupidest fucking battle ever. These two fucking morons are about as dumb as each other. Stick on some fucking rock music and they'll just sit in that shitty banger car and rock their heads up and down. Oh well, it will be entertaining anyway. I've got Garth pulling away with the win though, his hairstyle is immense and Wayne may just be too preoccupied with that to even focus on the battle at hand.


ACTOR BATTLES

Matt Damon
vs.
Ben Affleck

Well look at this. The Good Will Hunting bum-boys have finally turned on each other. No more gay movies together, no more cameos in Jay and Silent Bob movies. Its fucking go time. Its Daredevil vs. Jason Bourne. Its one apparent sexy guy vs. another. Who will win this godly showdown between two of the biggest homo-faggots to ever hit the big screen. To be honest, I hope some dude comes in and beats the shit out of both of them. They both suck, I hope you both die. Ben Affleck, you killed the legacy of Daredevil with atrocious acting. And Matt Damon, you fucking suck to... I enjoyed the Jason Bourne books, and you destroyed that character with your gayness. DIE, BOTH OF YOU, DIE!!


Joshua Jackson
vs.
James Van Der Beek

Oh wait, scratch that shit I said just. These two fags are even bigger homo's.
Lol, its Dawson Leery vs. Pacey Whitter. I have a feeling that Mr. Van Der Beek may still hold a grudge against his opponent for stealing Joey, fucking gays... she's a skinny ass bitch anyway. But, ask yourself this... who will win? I mean, I've gotta go with Joshua here.. at least he has had some success outside of Dawson's Creek. What has James had, besides some below par acting in Varsity Blues.. god, that movie sucked.
Come on, you've got to go with Joshua... get past the immense amount of times he has played a gay person, go beyond the boy from The Mighty Ducks and what do you have... a fucking gay ass performance as a werewolf in Cursed. Fuck it, GO JAMES YOU HOMO!!


Christian Bale
vs.
George Clooney

Yeah boy! Its the Dark Avenger vs. the gay ponce who tried to portray the Dark Avenger and failed miserably. There is only one Batman, and that is Mr. Bale. He fucking owned that character. Mr. Clooney should run back home and watch re-runs of himself on ER when he actually had a mere fragment of acting talent. Although, I have to give him props for Ocean's Eleven and Twelve... oh and The Perfect Storm. But god damn, Christian Bale owns in every movie he has been in. He is harder than George Clooney, a better actor and he will son the fuck out of that ER wannabe doctor faggot.


Seann William Scott
vs.
Jason Biggs

The Pie Fucker is here! And he is going against THE STIFMEISTER!!
Honestly, I can't tell you who will win this brawl. Its the two stars of American Pie.. minus Jim's father. I was going to invite Paul "Shitbreak" Finch along, but I forget the knob-head jewish looking motherfucker that played him's name. Anyway, this should be entertaining if anything. Both have had success outside of the American Pie franchise... I'm gonna go with Seann owning this fight though. Whilst Jason Biggs was busy being a Loser... Seann was getting fight tips from the Bulletproof Monk himself, Chow Yun Fat.


Jet Li
vs.
Jackie Chan

Oh yeah, get your fucking ninja gear on bitches. Its the ultimate smackdown between two of the baddest, if not the two very baddest high-flying, spin-kicking, ass-whooping dudes ever. Fuck Bruce Lee, that fag died years ago.
These two are the guys right here, both have the same fighting style, both can use the surroundings like a weapon. Both of them have done an equal amount of movies, some old school martial arts focused flicks, some action/comedy flicks. Now you have to ask, who is the better martial artist? Who is the better actor? Does Rush Hour own Cradle 2 The Grave?
Man, I just wanna see some chairs flying, some towels whipping, some fucking kicks to the head and shit. LETS GET IT ON BITCHES!!!