Ya, four lines is just rediculously short so its hard to judge really. The direction of what you had was nice though. Topic has been done but you took your own spin on the way for which the content was presented which was nice. If you were to keep going with this though you really need to find the enter key... Because those lines are rediculously long. Uuum ya, if you really like writing like this you should try writing a Hiku (Cant spell it) Lol but ya. Try that out man.