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Old 07-12-06, 05:07 PM   #8
Appocolyptik
Beginning Your Ending
 
Posts: 1,236
IP:

I felt that Pakavelli dropped better. He had a more complex (if a little played) concept and followed it up quite well. Willnova you've improved a lot since your first battle and are now using multies very well. However, I felt in your verse you used too many and focused on the flow rather than the content and imagery. There wasn't much complexity in your verse and that let your piece down. Also you came with some very obvious and bland lines such as:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willnova
accept no immitation, science of medicine is malevolent
its evident that the source of life can only be relevant


I mean that was stating the obvious to the extreme and made your piece looks fairly newbish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pakavelli
The frail form of function to injunction the attractions
That were placed on conceptions formed by contraptions
That were created by men yet told as if made by Gods
Yet one day they will all crumble on weather worn sods


That was nice by Pakavelli, but the wording could have been better. The rhyme scheme in his piece was dry at times and that stunted the flow. But I felt he won because his piece was more complex and better executed.

V/ Pakavelli
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