Work on your rhythm. It seemed to be off at places, but then again, maybe the way you say it the rhythm is perfect. I know that's the case with me 99% of the time. And when I say rhythm, I don't mean Iambic Pentameter bullshit, just write the words so that they flow.

Favorite section:
"In that place 3 demons continuously haunt me
Could have, Would have, and Should have
These are not the last, but unfortunately the best of my company"

I'll look foward o seeing how you elevate during your stay here.