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Old 09-10-06, 07:59 AM   #20
Dervla
Poet's Daughter.
 
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Wordz-This was an ok verse, not a advance one but simple. It wasn't really putting out anything, except the storyline was very..itchy to me. You did have emotion, I don't know why people don't see it, but its there and its very much showing through the character the way you've described. The Imaginary wasn't very much detailed, I guess thats why people don't really like your verse, its not..entertaining, its dull/bored no real adjectives or detailing through your words. The complexity isn't here and you don't really need any complex to have a decent Topical verse, or abstract really, cause Topical is based on narrator and how you approach the topic, define the Topic. Anyway's..here are some pointers, you need to put in some metaphors, similies..matter of fact, let me put it this way..Alot of people think a Topical is based on approaching the topic in a 'story' way. Words your an audio head, fuck writing stories, write a song. Overall Ok verse, keep it up.

Lampejo-*sigh*. I don't want to explain cause everyone did. Lol. Good verse

V/Lampejo
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