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Old 08-29-05, 02:24 PM   #1
L.E
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Tony Green Vs. Daubs

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Topic: Envious Soul

Check-In's Due Wednesday
Verses Due Friday
Votes Due Sunday
3-0 is a K.O.

~Good Luck to the Both of You.~
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Old 08-30-05, 12:47 AM   #2
~Tony Green~
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Thanxx I'll check in now
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Old 08-30-05, 04:55 PM   #3
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lol.

Good luck mate.

Chk.
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Old 09-02-05, 05:14 PM   #4
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I will drop tommorow morn latest, prolly tonight...half of it done but something to do with the family.
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Old 09-03-05, 07:41 AM   #5
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No show?,

should i drop a no show verse.
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Old 09-03-05, 08:23 AM   #6
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No show verse.

Envious Soul



..I am myself, someone i love...i live with no regrets..
..But on the other side of humanity, my other half forgets..
..I live my life head held high, streaming with pride..
..But when minds collide my soul wants to hide..
..Its jealous of my freedom, wants to escape my grasp..
..I take the love first, you end up last, a thing of the past..
..So far away in reason, yet so close in truth..
..Fuck suicide even my mind wants to show the nouse..
..I live long and happy but something seems to be missing..
..The soul my other half, must i accept to be different..
..I live without a soul, my shadows never cast..
..Im losing touch with sensitivity, losing the grasp..
..Back in the past i was certain, something complete..
..My soul lives in envy, i must suffer and accept defeat..
..And leave the peace breached, my lifes over, the darkest bit..
..I blew my chance and didnt understand my soul, now my life is shit..


Yeah, i unno.

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Old 09-03-05, 09:05 AM   #7
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Quite good no-show verse actually, it had potential without a doubt. Especially the emotion was strong in your piece, I love how you viewed your soul as a seperate thing you know. Like another side, another part of you but then again, nothing alike. The vocabulary might have been upped a little, imagery was decent but could've been a lot better. Flow was on point usually.
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Old 09-03-05, 09:56 AM   #8
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interesting approach, even though you say it was a no-show verse i still think it was all of or at least part of the actual piece you planned on dropping.
nice bit of emotion in it and good imagery, i think even if tony wud've dropped you wud've had him. but even so.........

V/ - Daubs.........for showing.
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Old 09-03-05, 11:37 AM   #9
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Daubs wins due to Tony Green no-showing...
 
 


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