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View Poll Results: Who won this battle?
precize 1 50.00%
Zais 1 50.00%
Voters: 2. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 04-22-06, 10:47 PM   #1
~Babylon~
~Lyrical Nirvana~
 
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From: Newark,NJ
precize Vs. Zais

IP: 27E9 2A04

~Rules~

Topic: "My children's children"

Line limit: 20-50(negotiate in checkin)

Check in by: Monday 11:59pm

Drop by: Wednesday 11:59pm

Votes due by: Friday 11:59pm

Werd!
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Last edited by Billy Baghdad : 04-22-06 at 11:10 PM.
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Old 04-23-06, 06:02 AM   #2
Zais
New to RV
 
IP: F264 E971

I dont know my bars yet so tell me how many u wanna do
 
Old 04-23-06, 09:17 AM   #3
Precize
Flyweight
 
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From: Earth
IP: F2FD E4B5

check check...........................30 sound good?
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Old 04-23-06, 04:44 PM   #4
Zais
New to RV
 
IP: F264 E971

30 it is G'luck
 
Old 04-24-06, 06:43 PM   #5
Precize
Flyweight
 
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From: Earth
IP: 7938 8797

heres 24 lines..i wasnt feelin this topic much

assembled a time machine with my worn-in bare hands...
i open the door, in the middle is where the chair stands..
then i say a prayer and...off i go into the distant future..
only 13, i wanna see if i have kids..and if my childrens losers..
arrived into the future..40 sumthin years from now..
people see me appear out of nowhere, they wonder why i came here and how..
the crowded streets are made of metal with white lines...
looked up n saw a Ad for antique iPods...layed out on a bright sign..
all the lights left my eyes blind..
the screen on my watch revealed wat year it was with a timeline..
hungry, so i walk into a mcdonalds...a robot comes to take my order..
requiring tips, slots on their chest show their to be paid with quarters..
same good food, faster thou...the wait is shorter..
finish eatin...and decide to go look for what ive came to see..
but then a man walks in with a tag on his shirt..he has the same last name as me..
i feel the birthmark on my face..he has identical scars on his frame..
are facial features are the same..throwing something in the trash, he
starts to aim..but misses, and the napkin drops right by my feet..
are eyes meet..i break the ice and say im you, from the past..
he laughs and replys with..yo man thats a ton of trash..
then the earth starts to crack and shack..i didnt know what to do at first
ive tampered with the future, scientists warned me it could affect the entire universe..
all of a sudden the mickey dees start to cave in..
and then............
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Old 04-26-06, 01:36 PM   #6
Zais
New to RV
 
IP: F264 E971

My children's children

I placed my faith and hope in my legacy
praid they wouldnt inherit my sick insanity
but my wishes reached a so it seems deaf ear
or maybe life enjoys giving you what you fear
for years and years I had to hide my ill will
I enjoyed painfull tears and had a urge to kill
but never did I indulge in that sick a fantasy
I stayed put in a place my mind called sanity
but my seed ... he also had this curse
compared to mine his was worse
downloading snuff movies and torture clips eventho I said no
every night I sat and hoped he would just download porno
tortured our dog ... burned his entire antfarm
his eyes reflected murder but his expressions remained calm
but he too never took that final step to the dark
but his son ... just by coming near stopped my dogs bark
my grandchild is pure insanity ... me times two
not human but a entity ... my son feels it too
at the age of 16 he comes home with blood on his hands
he enters my dream sleeps in my dome I do feel damned
I feel its my fault feel I am to blame
know what he is capable of he and I are the same
but he has lost his little voice that little piece of humanity
he will make that choice and he and I are family
so when he finally does decide to cross that line
I will accept him and his choice cus we are one mind
but something crept in my head like the horse of troy
and it scared me more than anything in existence
I think I would be proud of the boy
for doing what I couldnt do in a lifetime in one instance
 
Old 04-28-06, 12:30 PM   #7
WhoAmI
WhoAreYou?
 
IP: A181 D033

i was feeling zais' piece more the imagery was better than precize in this one...maybe this is because this piece felt more natural than the other guy....i also felt zais' piece flowed quite a bit better and he also seemed to have a wider vocabulary...basically i felt more compelled to finish reading zais' piece while precize's piece didnt seem that great to me. zais won this one without a shadow of a doubt.

v/ Zais
 
Old 04-28-06, 04:03 PM   #8
Precize
Flyweight
 
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From: Earth
IP: F56F 27F8

nice verse homie
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Old 04-28-06, 05:33 PM   #9
Zais
New to RV
 
IP: C04E 1454

thnx for the vote and yeah u too man
 
Old 04-30-06, 04:15 PM   #10
Sean Gunner
GG Haterz
 
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IP: 3547 E767

Both need to up their writing style. The verses are really simplistic, and not in a good way. Both came rather predictable and need to think more outside the box. Nothing that stood out to me in either verses. Keep writing.

v- Precize for some story and keepin my interest a little.
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