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09-11-06, 06:30 PM | #1 | ||||||
Whys That?
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Richard. vs Soulstice
IP: 5285 DC82
Picture Battle
Check in due: 9/14 Verse due 9/20 Line limit open: Last edited by Peace : 09-11-06 at 11:55 PM. |
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09-11-06, 06:50 PM | #2 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: C0D4 AC15
check...........
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-11-06, 07:04 PM | #3 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: 2FC3 39DD
Sup Playa Pimp!
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09-14-06, 04:21 PM | #4 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: 2FC3 39DD
Nobody's on the road less traveled
Behold this road that's never passed It would never let me dash, across it's sacred asphalt and it's ancient grass The full peripheral, never even a little full, deprived of urchins No samartins and no hoodrats pulling strings behind the curtains No divine allurement, no invisible force calling you to the path Just a tombstone where Robert Frost scrawled his epitaph Theres a few sprawled on the grass, there's Hitler and Napolean There's George Bush and Van Gogh and some hypocritic Holy men Who would've sold there soul for this. This barren, empty route This road... flowing off of the despairy entry, and Highway Astute But traced back it's roots, its just unaccesable Tangled in unpure veins and rusted ventricles A path, many have lust for it still.. but they slip and never see it A stop sign on the rotary that it picks it enemys with A sentry, an oculus percieving all your choices, your motives and Your thoughts, an eye seeing from detroit to the holy land Destroying and folding man, as they scream for the highway Whole populations seemingly dreaming to fly away Before they die and stray from their soul's only selection Dreaming, needing, wanting... to reach the road to perfection No one's on the road to perfection today... No one's on the road less travelled...
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09-17-06, 06:05 PM | #5 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: 2FC3 39DD
show up. or ill give you a lisp
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09-21-06, 01:20 PM | #6 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: D5B1 B78F
im dropping today...i thoguth the due date was 10/20
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-21-06, 02:09 PM | #7 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 2154 297B
Feeling is numb whereas it's plain to see my minds not stable
Movement in my own body's stagnant I blink but to talk im not able Moaning cry's of help though no clear words are spoken from me Glancing to my left blood on the forehead of a girl who was once lovely Attempts to proceed with motion failed certainly not triumphant Tingles delivered down my spine screams of pain come from it Flashback's on memories gathered knowing this will soon be concluded Though memories of this very scene are blank yet we were so intruded By death we have been called apon hearing whispers from the wind though Blurry vision is risen and heat exposes fog so no visiters see through the window No sounds of breath come about from my loved one sitting shot gun Pressing my chin to sound the horn looking for cars yet theres just not one Deserted from civilization no hope is proccessing through my ill mind Flipping back my thoughts of sitting back on yauchts just to kill time We were traveling at roads pace now we are motionless she's with no face Coming up apon 120 mph switching lines in this one car suicidal road race Its not road rage though it ended with her and I trapped in this enclosed space The forsaken road has attatched us with death also known as our proposed fate Cruising through lanes not knowing we were loosing remains time became a factor Curfew at 10:30 we rushed quickly not knowing life would not be there after Cars not spotted; traffic was no excuse though I'm sure they would have bought it Steady at 95 mph eager to reach home should have came to my own knowledge And eased the speed for the moment rather than crashing into the guard rail Damages are perminant broken bones and taken live's not fake they are real Eye's becoming blurry thoughts slowing down as well as the time for me Would have been interesting to see my life..but heres the end of my story Dramatic event's are concluding, real actions only seem like spoken scenes These "scenes" are factual as my life ends on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-21-06, 07:20 PM | #8 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
votes needed .
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09-21-06, 09:16 PM | #9 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: 2FC3 39DD
vzoate.................15
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09-21-06, 09:27 PM | #10 | |||
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IP: A9A5 2BC6
This battle was closer then any of the other ones i voted on.. All i have to say about this battle is Quality of Quantity..
Soul- very well written... nice and short and to the point. didnt seem to cut off anywhere or be underwritten.. the imagery was great and i loved the emotion that i felt while reading this it was great... your vocab was good but could always be upped.. Mystic... you did good aswell, your imager and emotion was good but they wasnt as complex or as deep as soul's your vocab was good aswell.. only thing i have to say thats bad about your verse is that it was quite predictable after the 3rd line i knew how the verse was going to play out i dunno if it was just me or not but yeah v. Soul
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Fuck Yuu Productions
5x PS HOF 2004 Poet of the year 3X writer of the month |
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09-21-06, 10:02 PM | #11 | |||||
~Break Bred or Play Dead~
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IP: 6168 7863
Soul- loved the emotion loved the visual that u were useing
it was straight to the point you didnt use many fillers your imagery was also good here..overall perfect drop Mystic... you also had nice imagery and good vocab i liked how u used ya words,BUT you lacked emotion here dude,,u got to get a lil more creative wit ya words v. Soul
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09-22-06, 12:03 PM | #12 | |||
1926
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IP: 0825 899A
soul's piece seemed very cohesive and fluent, contenctually the two matched up pretty well ... but soul's piece felt more authentic.
vote - soul |
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09-23-06, 02:04 AM | #13 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
Soul wins .
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