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Your topic: Radiating Timidity

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chekin -------------------- GL Ex

vote 1-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=923829#post923829
vote 2-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=923860#post923860
vote 3-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=923908#post923908

here we go

topic- Radiating timidity

Fearful
he wakes up every morning with a tear to his eyes,
has to wipe it off quick coz men don't cry,
watching out for his father not to see,
coz if he catches him red eyes could turn to nose bleeds,
fearful of his safe haven yet scared to leave,
the boys living in a Paradise, its a shame its make believe.

Hesitant
as he leaves his house he knows its a step to far,
coz just like any other day this journey'll make a new scar,
not knowing what this day could possibly hold,
shivers runin up his spine, body not even cold,
hesitant to take a step coz he feels them waiting,
the animals and hes the pray and there salivating.

Nervous
he see's them, there eyes suddenly stare with gleam,
little demons smiling at him, his futures what they deem,
he knows that today is different from the others,
sitting so close to his teacher, some could mistake them for lovers,
nervous of what they could be holding in store,
the chilling notion's pulsing deep in to his core,

--switch--
and the core is where it comes from, so plain to see,
that this fearful child is radiating timidity.
--switch--

Quietness
sat down silent yet feeling there glares,
"i know there talking about me, there whispers are my nightmares",
not wanting to stay yet having no place to be,
its like being in a room full of people, yet feeling lonely,
quietness broken by a sound of a friend,
"hi,my names tony,thats john, and thats ben,

Radiating Timidity

fearful of what there intentions could be,
hesitant thinking, what they could want from me,
nervous as he begins to stand, extends his hand,
quietness, a single tear lands,
his home is where his fear gets fed its fuel,
but its ok coz his safe havens his school
and his core is where it comes from so plain to see,
that this fearful child is radiating timidity


check the meanings for timid and understand why i chose my topic headers.

meaning of story - you always have someone to turn to- dont ever think your on your own.

i dont want my first topical to be a noshow what the fuck.... anyway could i get some feed back about my verse from you guys just to see what to fixup on

good piece,
nice concept,
the flow was consistent,
vocab was ok,
one thing to improve would be adding some multies
other than that good piece,
to bad you got no showed,

could you drop a vote on my battle with skiddz,

peace

this was an okpiece..sorry for the no show
its a bitch but ya did nice....
jus keep doin wot ya do...
flow was a bit choppy but cud
easily be altered..pz

dope piece for your first one
I was feeling how you broke it into different emotions
you stayed true to your vision
and the flow kept me interested
.....stay up

nyce job kid, you explained tha story well, you kept me readin, rhyme scheme was ok, but you have time to work on that, honeslty....much betta than i have been seein from otha heads at tha site, sorry about tha no show, head up....keep writin, peace, 1

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<center> Soft Focus</center>

"I'm stuck with...what i'm Stuck Wit, cause i don't Suck Dick" - Jadakiss

Good piece....

sorry your opponent no-showed
keep up, hold down......Pz.