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check this out.........

check.

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check in..............2nd topical. ....should be nice..

glad i got him. no we can see whose good. see if his daddy in his sig is better than me.

Prision Suicide

trapped in a deranged realm, no one can ever describe
where pain overwhelms, lifes hard-pressed to survive
possessed with lies, depressed i cry tears of doubt
suppressed by my eyes, empty echoes, no one hears you shout
all life is about to collapse, happiness turns to pain
perhaps never feelin its warmth again, memories burn your brain
crazy or sane? my consciousness is encaged by steel
a manufactured illusion, yet my body is made to feel
and its all too real, suffering slowly erodes my sanity
fall to a kneel, comforting words explode to profanity
how can it be, i kept it innocent, avoiding all crime
betrayed by my thoughts, my content destroyed in time
devoid of any signs, hope created just to taunt my existence
swallowed by dark, followed my heart, never thought to resist it
troubled from the start, but could never ask for assistance
so the feelings of hate and confinement contiually persisted
until i believed it was true, my soul caught and contained
never thought or complained, but it cant be bought or regained
someone ought to explain what to do, life isn't a game
i lost myself, mind caved through...ended it with a shot to the brain

i was detained in a world that was created from dreams
where pain would curl around any reflecton that gleamed
every breath taken it seemed always deflated with screams
and the only form of help offered, was just outdated regimes
its far more extreme, madness had infected my cognition
never to be free again, my sanity had selected ignition
death infested my vision, if only you saw it through my eyes
my mind was a prision...... and the only escape was suicide

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blahh....didn't like the topic, but whatever....i think it turned out pretty good

gl dot

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Drakel: I love your approach of the topic where you portrayed your mind as a prison instead of the actual jail. You had an excellent flow, had multis down and also good sound expressions for example:

never thought or complained, but it cant be bought or regained
someone ought to explain what to do, life isn't a game

Interesting rhyme scheme together with good vocab, had nice balance between basic and complex and the piece was at a high pace that kept the readers focussed. Emotion was tight in my opinion, your twist of the topic allowed you to use heaps of emotion and you also did that. Imagery was good as well, it's just a very easy read due to the speed of the piece and the content as well. Built up a nice story and I also like the questions the person asks himself, thrown around between feelings and thoughts into his mind.


M-Eazy: you sorta took the more predictable approach of the topic but nonetheless you managed to write down a nice piece. The strongest aspect of your drop was the emotion without a doubt, you really portrayed the feelings of remorse the person had within his heart, the struggle he goes through in prison. Imagery was good but I feel it was just an emotional piece and not an imagery one. Flow was excellent, you picked up the pace as the story continued, vocab was bit more basic but it gave the topical a powerful, direct vibe.

Couple of my favo lines:

This is my life, and every night, I got to sleep scared
Because I just took a innocent life away, and they think I dont care


In the end my vote goes to Drakel because I feel he had a more creative approach, more abstract and poetic vibe as well but M-Eazy, I enjoyed reading your piece as well of course. Both dropped hard so no hate y'all...this was an excellent battle, keep it up!

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my vote goes to DRAKEL coz i thought your verse was much more complex and creative.....your structure was good and your flow was flawless.......you had nice vocab usage and i enjoyed reading it....you kept it interesting the whole way thru so good job.........

m-eazy your drop was packed with emotion, vocab could have been upped a lil bit just to make the drop a lil more complex than it was.....altogether a pretty good drop but my vote goes to drakel

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