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Old 03-13-05, 12:33 PM   #1
Dabatos
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Drama Queen Vs. Kesse

IP: CD74 90E9

This Is The First Round So Records Will Not Be at stake.
But if you no show you will have your post cut in half.
You Must Vote in 2 other battles after you post yours or you will be DQ’d and will have your post cut in half.


Check In’s Due Before Tuesday March 15
Verses Due Before Thursday March 17
First to 3 Votes Win’s..
2-0 = KO
Remember, everything is in Pacific Time.
If you do not know what that is then too bad.


Topic: Blind
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Last edited by Dabatos : 03-13-05 at 12:42 PM.
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Old 03-13-05, 01:39 PM   #2
Germ
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checkin in........dayum, gotta get dq first....gl to ya
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Old 03-13-05, 01:56 PM   #3
DQ
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Checkity Check

G'luck

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Old 03-13-05, 02:26 PM   #4
Dabatos
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30 linex max...
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Old 03-15-05, 02:24 PM   #5
Germ
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the sands of time are turning, and my life nears its end
my death will go unnoticed, the darkness was my only friend
but i shall pass in comfort, for the earth is an ugly place
endless conflict, for as little as being a different race
the build-up of violence and hate in the world is truly horrific
we end up waging war, just to teach us how to be more pacific
and everyday, people leave their homes, thinking all is fine
that every event is planned, all part of one universal design
but our world is dying more everyday, our eyes live to deceive
and we belive what we see, how can people get anymore naive
we keep neglecting these problems, and they continue to increase
action must be taken immediately, but over half the population is obese
so people rot away at home, their brains infected by television
what they're having for dinner, remains the most difficult decision
why people are dying needlessly, its too far beyond conmprehension
how many more innocent lives must be taken, before people take attention
this happens on daily basis, you can even read it in the news
but i guess theres more important things, like cigarettes and booze
theres no doubt at all, the hope for the future continues to cascade
far too many dfferences are being settled by way of gun or grenade
but we are too quick to act, never thinking of consequences to follow
leaving more destruction to begin with, tough for anyone to swallow
and in time, the abundance of natural resources will surely be depleted
yet we rest hopes on our children, but they'll soon realize they were cheated
our actions are taking precious years off the life of the world
and will continue to happen, because no ones cares till all is unfurled
its all around us, but i never truly witnessed its slow demise
some may call is a curse, but me...a blessing in disguise
i lost my vision as a child, but i do not hesitate to embrace
for i feel sight is overrated, the world turned out a disgrace

_______________________________________
and just to make clear....im not talking about pacific ocean in 6th line, haha
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Old 03-16-05, 11:11 AM   #6
Wet Willy
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^^ omg.. Kesse i think your very underrated this piece was beautiful.. i'll drop a vote when DQ gets in here.. but you had a great closing few bars.. and u really had alot of knowledge to back up your story.. your imagery was alrite, your emotion was definitely there.. but the one thing you did differently then i woulda done.. was overused vocab.. but never the less this was still a dope drop...
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Old 03-17-05, 12:09 PM   #7
DQ
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There were three of us girls over at Mrs. Jackson's house
Our conversation revolved around her passionate spouse
The others thought that maybe she could've done better
While she seemed mainly concerned with the glum weather
I studied her profile as she stood by the window though
Body and mind no longer functioning as a quid pro quo
.
.
.
Mrs. Jackson had never exactly been friendly towards me
It would've given me pleasure to know she had been poorly
I knew she couldn't be happy, I knew she must be worried
Her husband saw me twice a week.. always in a fucking hurry
Had she found the lipsticked collars? The smell of perfume?
The scratches on his back? Or noticed my swelling womb?
She couldn't have missed it...I wanted to see her whimper
Or break down and cry so we could gossip through December
.
.
.
What was that? I saw a faint purple bruise on her arm
With a bit of luck if I mentioned it, she would lose her calm
The house was tidy but I could picture the bitter quarrels
Happening regularly, leaving her brow with little furrows
I knew she was quite miserable, maybe even grown suicidal
As her whole life fell apart just like her home's blue vinyl
.
.
.
But she seemed determined that no one else should find out
Pain clearly present in her eyes, she was sad beyond doubt
She turned away from the blinds with such elegance and style
Blinded by that row of bleached teeth, hiding behind her smile
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Old 03-17-05, 12:21 PM   #8
FlowIntelligent.
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Kesse:

dope verse. You got the vocabulary on lock, and the imagery was good because you got more detailed than others do. Even if you arent describing a certain scene, everyone could paint the picture of the scene in their mind. Thats a true writers gift. Emotion was perfect, not too much but just enough. You stayed on topic the way through pretty consistent. Fell off in 1 or 2 places but besides that your verse was dope.

overall : 8/10

Drama Queen:

Im sorry to say but this is one of the worst topicals i have seen from you. #1. you had the same problem as Konfliktz.. you werent on topic at all. If i didnt know the topic by reading your verse i would have guessed it was about domestic violence. You didnt pull yourself back on topic at all and i know you can. Decent emotion the imagery was great. You were consistent just not with the topic. Decent verse, expected more though.

Overall: 6.5/10

vote: Kesse
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Old 03-17-05, 12:36 PM   #9
H-N-I-C
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Well, I was really felin this battle

DQ...ya piece was nice. I liked the emotion and the genuine feeling of dislike.

I knew she was quite miserable, maybe even grown suicidal
As her whole life fell apart just like her home's blue vinyl

^^ Feelin this, great imagery.

But as far as the topic is concerned, it was a lil off. I understand where u were going, and what you were trying to convey, but it took a lil too long for you to get there, and once you got there, I wasn't just totally amazed. Good piece, just didn't seem to mesh well with the topic to me. No Hate.

7/10



Kesse...what can I say??? Ya piece was mad nice. Though yours was much like DQ's in a sense that you described a lot before you hit the topic, when you did, it made me say damn. And that was the biggest difference between your piece and DQ's piece. Imagery was there, vocab was...pretty decent, but ya last four lines is what really wrapped it up for you.

its all around us, but i never truly witnessed its slow demise
some may call is a curse, but me...a blessing in disguise
i lost my vision as a child, but i do not hesitate to embrace
for i feel sight is overrated, the world turned out a disgrace


9/10

v/Kesse
 
Old 03-17-05, 12:39 PM   #10
DQ
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Yeah, I was gonn
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Old 03-17-05, 12:41 PM   #11
DQ
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^Oops, what I was gonna say was that I was gonna no-show in fact because I'm in the middle of my exams at the moment so couldn't really study maths and write topical at same time. And topic wasn't really my thing...

But I do think I was on topic because she chose to stay blind for the cheating of her husband and she pretended everything was right (she put up a blind). But anyway, loving Kesse's verse (even though I was gonna use the same concept )

DQ
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Old 03-17-05, 02:10 PM   #12
Germ
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^ your verse was still pretty good though.....that was a good idea.......if you had more time i think you coulda make it wicked good........haha
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Old 03-17-05, 05:32 PM   #13
Dabatos
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Kess wins..

2-0

Thread Closed
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