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09-04-05, 01:37 PM | #1 | ||||||
Middle Weight
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Hurricaine Katrina
IP: CF74 5D3A
Hurricaine Katrina
Too amazed for words like caged birds people trapped Church steeple wrapped in the arms of the ocean overlapped By mother nature, brother it nomenclature six hundred Miles long, this sad scene is like a bad dream brain thundered And can’t sleep it paint freak scriptures and deep pictures of destruction on my mind so strong and divine like ugly fixtures its all real like a small meal stuff to be eaten and feeding Imaginations with crime after the water leave you bleeding And needing bandages for the damages done crime ignite Too amazed for words like caged birds people trapped Church steeple wrapped in the arms of the ocean overlapped By mother nature, brother it nomenclature six hundred Miles long, this sad scene is like a bad dream brain thundered And can’t sleep it paint freak scriptures and deep pictures of destruction on my mind so strong and divine like ugly fixtures its all real like a small meal stuff to be eaten and feeding Imaginations the city officials of New Orleans join in proceedings Worry came about hurricane Katrina she ripped homes And flipped unknown buildings, killing folks with strong Wind and rain thunder loud as funnel clouds twirled Like spinning tops to a never ending stop the world Was amazed at the damage it destroyed lyrical cultures And physical structures it closed roads blew down sculptures The mess was too extreme for the rescue team it seem hazy As disaster gravy dripped president sought after navy ships like crazy He sent crews and large teams to New Orleans to aid in rescue missions People trapped on roof tops the truth drops to helicopter pilots collisions With water s of fright just to alter the height of survival no violet mission The sewage vapors grips like paper clips to nose as the flood waters rose It was a wet bazaar even BRET FAVRE of the Green Bay Packers close Hope on finding many alive |
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09-04-05, 07:44 PM | #2 | ||||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 0F8C 09C6
thought i saw this as an OM............ structure is if-y, but it flows........ original topic for this site, i guess............ not really emotional in the traditional sense, but i could see where this piece was coming from...... again overuse of metas and synonyms that don't relate to the topic can disract the reader (Brett Favre)......... overall 7/10
__________________
"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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09-09-05, 12:57 PM | #3 | ||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
You flow bold but your style grow old like cut wood
Butt not hood your juice wrecked and don’t produce Effects got a loose check wanna cash it? Even Bruce Lee would kung Fu your dumb crew, rhymes not spruce You don’t peep mine so you have a freak mind not a deuce I’m from the slums so insecure when you will become mature You can't walk on streets |
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