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My First Time
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this didn’t really happen to me, i just started writing it, it dosn’t ryme as much as i would have liked it too, but it has a meaning behind it..lemme know what ya’ll think aight...thanks...1!
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the smoked up room fills my lungs,
i hear your faded voice in the back of my mind,
you are saying something... but i don’t understand,
i am crying now, sitting on the couch...all alone,
scaired of what will happen to me,
wanting to go home,
but i cannot move, i cannot breathe,
i am beginning to think i cannot see,
i caugh abrubtly and the smoke rolls out,
i feel like i am flying..without a doubt,
what’s wrong with me,
now the voice i heard...i am beginning to see,
hearing colors and seeing sounds,
everything on the celing is now on the ground,
i’m freaking out and i still sit here,
for some reason i feel better now,
your voice is fading and i am comming down,
things from the celing, have returned to the ground,
i begin to stand up and wobble around the room,
the hazy smoke drifts and i walk out the house,
still hearing your voice, but now..it’s quit as a mouse,
i get home and take a glance in the mirror,
as i see my reflection , i realize what i have done,
my mom walks in, “you are way to young,”
i didn’t understand how to control myself,
it wasn’t my man i was hearing...
it was someone else,
bruises on my body,
i must have blacked out,
the last thing i remember was sittin on the couch,
15 years old, high as grass,
i didn’t actually think some guy would use me for ass,
i couldn’t control myself,
and now im pregnant with a baby,
by someone else,
the hardest part is to tell your man,
“i went to a party, and got raped in a van.”

I Didn't Read The Whole Thing But I Like What I Read......Pretty Good Copmplexity....Nice Structure......I Like Your Rhyme Scheme Too......Keep Posting These Beautiful Pieces.....



Oh Yeah Baby, I Forgot......I Love You!!!

-OuT-

It was alright. Let me give you some pointers so you can live up to that name of yours. First try to work on vocab in the begining it didn't rhyme..poems dont have to rhyme.. but towards the end it didn't. Your work will come out better if you follow one set pattern for your poem... like abac or baba... or just bb aa ... I'm sure you no what those mean. If not holla at me. You have talent. Keep Elevating OoNnEe

what she said^^^^^
overall it was nice tho just
keep practicing and doin whatcha do
*~Holler~*