**This is a verse i spit about dis dude that was talkin shit about me in my hood...he neva responded. i'm tryin to get better so do me this:

*rate it (1-10..."10" is best)
*give best line
*give any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism

Thanks y'all...\

-L. Dash

**I put this in OPEN MIC too**
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This dumb nigga Tyrone Daye/
Kinda like [Liberaci] or Marvin...'Tyrone's GAYE'/
You're a "doldier"-Stay in your place/
Or I'll take ya Tims off ya feet, and stomp a hole in your face/
You're a full blown punk, dun-swear that you're Blood/
You'll only rock those colors if i spray you wit slugs/
You're older than me but you sure ain't raw/
Call me BARB-speak and i'll WIRE your jaw/
You tried to diss me-try to be evil/
WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU-YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE/
Call me 9.11...cuz Lord Willin'/
My fist will be the plane while the chest plays the building/
Don't risk ya life wit the kid that's nice/
'Cuz when i get ya, i stay on you like white on rice/
Retire ya life-this is such a disaster/
I'ma hang ya fucking ass like banners in rafters/
Every girl you get looks like Killa Cam/
Or is from the zoo-look like gorillas fam/
Why would a chick even fuck with a fag/
I guess you mack wit ya head under a bag/
You talk real hard-but inside you're not/
[Ya gangsta's like 50 Cent-nigga, IT"S SHOT/
Me, you're not but you wish you could be/
[It can't happen like thug niggas wearing Yale hoodies]/
You're retarded; this beef-you started this/
Fuck around and you could get clapped like an audience/
...Or made to bleed from the brain/
You so grimey only time you get dimes is when you're receiving change/
Money, don't speak on the clothes/
Cuz ya wifebeaters look like Busta's car-riddled with holes/
Don't get mad cuz I'm real and you're so-so/
I'll call ya Nate Dogg-got ya ass screaming 'OH NO"/

**HIT THIS SH*T PLEASE! IT MAY SEEM LIKE I"M BEING PUSSY BUT I THRIVE ON INPUT!

I THINK YOUR SHIT HAD GREAT LYRICAL CONTENT KEEP WRITIN

aight let me rate this man... a 6.5 dawg... or a 7... can't make up my mind...
Best line? ok... "dun-swear that you're Blood/
You'll only rock those colors if i spray you wit slugs"... this one was sharp... good punch line...
Yo man, for a battle verse this was aight... could have used better punchlines, and more wordplay, oh and your flow was descent...
-1-

ill giv u roun a 7.5.

best lines...

...Or made to bleed from the brain/
You so grimey only time you get dimes is when you're receiving change/

Don't get mad cuz I'm real and you're so-so/
I'll call ya Nate Dogg-got ya ass screaming 'OH NO"/

Call me 9.11...cuz Lord Willin'/
My fist will be the plane while the chest plays the building/