Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
10-18-06, 11:52 PM | #1 | ||||
Flyweight
|
Don't Blink
IP: 3DB0 58F5
I love her and hate her,
despise her old nature and the way the plot seems to thicken when it's written on paper. She's a beauty queen seen seldom but in the eye of the beholder's handgun when it's loaded and pointed at another annoyed youth who doesn't pause to think. The beholder's eye so fixated on such a beautiful canvas that it can't even blink. I dropped my head to the carpet and inspected departed footsteps. Mudprints of shoe steps on the place from where my head leapt back into her arms, contempt with angst; fiery passion for love and hate but it's hard to give thanks when it can't even blink. A note scribbled in little letters feathered with led strokes from past years dribbled out of my pocket and into her ears and it was stained with tears when she read what it wrote. The words of the paper never came from my throat the plot would thin the minute I choked... Now the moment appeared clear to the eye of the beholder who spoke, she paused to clear her throat - I think because the tears never come when you can't even blink.
__________________
get attached to a rolling stone and you're libel to get crushed.. |
||||
10-22-06, 12:19 PM | #2 | |||||||
illmatic
|
IP: 10D7 5181
I think
because the tears never come when you can't even blink. I didnt understand what you meant by that last part. Overall it was a nice piece of poetry. I like the depth of it and the way you got your point across. 7/10
__________________
The only thing to fear is fear itself and fear conquers all!!!! |
|||||||
10-22-06, 07:58 PM | #3 | ||||||
Above Originality
|
IP: 3C3A DA95
http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...ad.php?t=236007
^^ feed on that i really liked this you had some very impressive wordings and the way you put things into mysterious rhymings and internal/external was koo..you did a nice job with a storyline and also twisting it around from it coming really basic though the topic is played you came fairly original and were decent at it man props!.....keep at it witht his style you will get somewhere!..
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
||||||
10-23-06, 07:44 PM | #4 | ||||
New to RV
|
IP: DA50 F213
maddd decent 8/10 i was imagin ya wordin on ya drop aint bad..
__________________
..DirtY ChaLLengA..
..dOnT fUcK wItH mE!.. |
||||
11-12-06, 03:35 AM | #5 | ||||||
New to RV
|
IP: 8189 3023
i like this poem. some of it i didnt get. I guess u have to thinmk about it. but i like it. hey read my poem dude. laterzzz
|
||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|