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12-30-03, 03:55 PM | #1 | ||||||
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~Ultimate~
IP: 7A38 2D7B
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102136
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101684 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102175 Stand alone on the wasteland, experience first hand/ The weight of the world crumbles at the devils command/ Try to understand this place is just a test of our fate/ A reason to make it, through this society hate/ They try to relate, when really they haven't a clue/ What life is like in the cycle, they don't see it as you do/ Can't peel back the layers of the curtain that covers our eyes/ Shields our minds from the torment, of racial demise/ Look to the skies, as you fall to your weary knees/ Hands held up in prayer, hoping the Lord sees/ Does he hear you? does he turn from your pleas?/ Does he recognise the hatred, that sprouted from disease?/ So many questions put forward to the forgiver of sins/ They say that in sudden violence, nobody wins/ Then explain to me why war is such a probable thing/ Sure, it solves peoples problems, but then the real shit begins/ Cleanup takes longer than dirtying it in the first place/ When the trauma is over, theres still lives to replace/ Trouble to face, hurtful shit to erase, will we ever learn?/ Will we ever pull together and see this is disgrace?/ |
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12-30-03, 03:59 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: 19AF 50C1
this was simple in wordusage but perfect in compleity of rhyme structure...this the first read i seen from you and i enjoyed it alot looking forward to viewing more of your work
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12-30-03, 04:02 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
thanks for the feed, appriciated greatly..
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12-30-03, 04:25 PM | #4 | ||||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
this was tight piece...like WORD said...it was simple but ur complexitivity n structure was all good.....keep doin ur thing son
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12-30-03, 04:28 PM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: ABC6 6325
yeah were pretty tight....................wordplay lil simple, but flow were sorta made up fo that..................peace....................... .......................
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12-30-03, 04:43 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: C115 DFD7
yo this was hot.....word choice could of been better....but other than that it was hot...stay up
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12-30-03, 05:02 PM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
It was pretty cool. Good topic, but work on the flow and jazzing up the lyrics a little bit. You don't have to make every lines a sentence.
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12-30-03, 06:02 PM | #8 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 33F6 1DC9
again like word said the wordplay was pretty basic but you had a constant flow through the whole piece which made up for it. structure was real good. keep droppin. peace.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center> <center>Corrupted Visions</center> <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center> |
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12-30-03, 06:07 PM | #9 | |||||||
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IP: 41E9 3905
Quote:
when he was born his gene pool didn't have lifeguards. |
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