Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-20-04, 05:15 PM | #1 | |||
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[pre]N LitEnd vs rule
IP: D637 72D3
Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004 Topic: Change Of Mind
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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01-20-04, 08:15 PM | #2 | |||||||
..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Alright checkin in....good luck...this one going to be hard to win lol
Replied To: Evolve & Skiddz Dev & Bigg EZ Write Mind & Speek E.Z
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 Last edited by rule : 01-24-04 at 01:57 PM. |
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01-21-04, 12:30 PM | #3 | ||||
^ Says It All ^
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IP: A9E7 1B14
C h e c k i n I n
Good Luck
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LLL LW Champ <center>Soft Focus</center> |
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01-21-04, 05:45 PM | #4 | |||||||
..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Turn The Lights Down Dim Smile At My Grin
I'm A Player..But I'm Here To Win..Forgive My Sin But To Endure Your Actions And Love So Pure I'd Do anythnig..Tobe Next To Her. Prime Amusement Is Us Wrestling Around Looking In Your Eyes And The Bliss I Found I Didn't Act To Plesent When You Kissed My Heart I'm So Inlove, I'm Worried It'll One Day Split Apart As Fast As A Dart In The Air..But Now.. I See You Trully Care..I Think How.. Somebody So Precious Could Enjoy My Presents Cause Through My Adalesents..Your My Blesson No Question..Through Our Lessons... I've Learned To Stable..Kiss You In Public..It's Capable My Blood Leeks For You..As Does Oxygen To A Lung My Love..Seeks For You..As Does Protection..To A Relationship Begun We've Been Together..A Year..Seems Almost Forever Had Hard Times Sever..But Smiled At Eachother... Found A Treasure.. Your Picture In The Dark..Shines As A Full Moon..So Beuatiful So I Silent The Demons Bark..To Hope The Feeling's Mutual Prayers & Wishes To Treat You For The Queen You Are.. Go Beyond Limits..Past The Boundries Of The Stars.. Hold Close Our Memeries For Us Is A Miracle Of God Or So I Thought..The Enimies Exscaped..I'm Lost In Fog Motionless Now..Paralized From Being Unclear.. I Was Startled.. Because You Actually Craved My Reflection In The Mirror When Nobody Else Did And I Lost All Hope & Faith Stayed In The Shadows For My Self Esteem Was Misplaced I Thought You Could Do Better..So I.. I Rejected The Inpulse Of Happiness That You Vowed I Was Neglected..Shook..By The Love You Endured Now It Wasn't A Bad Thing..I Got Scared By Feeling Complete Stayed In Quick Sand..Thinking It Was Safer Then Concrete Didn't Believe A Perfect Angel Could Feel For My Struggle Nobody Was Ever Here To Help Fit The Pieces Of The Puzzle You Wanted ToBe My Sunrise And Sunset..I Was 'Bliss' I Ran From You..Because Your Wants Were My Life Wish But Now I'm Ready ToBe Your Horizon Of Dreams As Complicating The Feeling Seems..I'm Ready By Any Means I Suffered With Not Having You..To Tell You My Temptation Thought Holding You Was Only Capable In Amagination I Changed My Mind..My Life Style..I'll Give You Me.. Because Me Being With You.. Is The Winds Being Free..It's The True Destiny So I Take This Moment To Write These Last Lines.. I'll Open My Arms Wide..To Hold You Untill My Demies I Was Scared Cause You Loved Me..I Thought People Were Blind You Granted A New Perspective In Me..Thank You For Changing My Mind Good Luck Man.
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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01-22-04, 01:06 PM | #5 | ||||
^ Says It All ^
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IP: 05AD C6EA
Dear Diary:
Its now been a while since I’ve met him, I hope I’m cured My mind now sees logic, I can now say that I’m pure However, I’m not for sure that this demon will be gone For its him who comes, when nothing is going wrong I walk around being frowned upon, I’m just an outcast I stop in the street, kids look down and try to act hard I’m secluded in my room, staying away from the inevitable Some say I’m ‘special’, yet they all stay uncharitable But I don’t need them, all they wanna do is harm me I’m all on my own, where as they have a whole army… Listen to yourself, you don’t know what your saying Sound like your praying, but its ME who’s gonna be stayin See, no one even knows your alive, who cares if you die? “Who was he? Good riddens if u ask me”, they’ll all reply Its me who’s gonna provide what you need, listen to me You try and avoid me, but you know you always hear me Were brothers, its them that wanna harm us and we’ll fall But if you listen to me closely, we’ll be standing tall… …What are you saying? I’m secluded from those who question How can I trust you? you’re the reason I’m scared of my reflection Just leave me alone, I want no part of what you have to say & why should I suffer, because I hate each & every yesterday I want no part of what you have planned, I want to be normal Locked away from those I love, all I have is this journal I see people playing, I hear you saying they want to harm me All I have is a warm patch in the corner, my life? Hardly For I am suffering, yet believing everyone of your restrictions But still I hate you, why cant I win our final confliction… …Hahaha, you make it sound as your wanted literally But what your failing to see, is that your part of one conspiracy You hear that sound? No? I told you no one knows you Leave this place, people will follow you, that I promise you Its easy to do, you can end it all any way you want, simple Just take that ashtray, then simply crack open your temple Voila! You see, when you do that, everything will be over Its magnificent, life flashes before you like a supernova Now end it, you know yourself you have nothing to live for Why be false to yourself? I mean, even YOU know you differ… …Perhaps your right, all I think of is why’s there’s fear in me That’s right, now your beginning to see things clearly After all, I have succumbed to have feelings of mixed emotions I’m pleased with your reasoning, you’re saving a lot of commotion No one wants me here, its you that has my best interests at heart Now you know what to do now, I’m here, were no longer apart But I’m scared, how do I know that this is gonna be the finish With a different heart and a change of mind WE can accomplish Incase you all didn’t know, the guys a Schizophrenic…and the diary is him talking to the voices in his head.
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LLL LW Champ <center>Soft Focus</center> |
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01-22-04, 05:14 PM | #6 | |||
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: 0FEA F3EA
Rule...
(this does not affect my decision but check your spelling) The approach was nicely done, and good use of different words...my main qualm with this was the flow of the piece...my belief is that your flow was based on a line by line basis, but not as a whole... every couple lines (3-4) has a good flow to them but then the pace of the piece changes with the next part...while you could not make a new paragraph due to it being a constant thought, keeping it as 1 long part hurt the read as a whole N lit... First off, you didnt need the little reminder at the end, sometimes its best to just let the reader interpret what they want from your piece...reading your piece was hard at times because alot the the rhymes were just plain off... I walk around being frowned upon, I’m just an outcast I stop in the street, kids look down and try to act hard The idea of the call and response approach had good potential with the idea you had... i think it would have came off better had the two voices spoken differently, different word choice, vocabulary and how they say things...the piece kept a nice pace to it, no real problem...i think your word choice could have been far more diverse and sprinkle in some vocabulary every now and again vote: rule |
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01-22-04, 05:40 PM | #7 | ||||||
wanna play doctor????????
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IP: DFB8 2D7C
nice to see both of you SF reps. in here...
rule-HELLA LONG! lol... i did read it all tho...your piece was strong with content and from the heart, it's a simple way to hit the topic, but that's how our mind's are changed sometimes...well the imagry was good, a pretty good rhyming scheme... flow was good ya know...nice vocab that always taps shit off... nlitend-HELLA LONG ALSO!!!! lol... yes i read yours all the way thru too...your piece wasn't the best... i think you've done better...the complexity was slim...vocab could help you out some too...but imagry was ok...the way u hit the topic was dope...but you just didn't seem to go all that well with it...but it was still a decent piece... but... vote-rule he just had a stronger piece |
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01-22-04, 05:54 PM | #8 | |||||||
_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
im going wit N-LitEnd on this one i just think
this wus an overall better verse... i wus lovin the aproach voices in your head... i didnt need the explanation sefl explanitory... some lines didnt rhyme but overall good verse good lines and the edning came off quite well too... rule you had a good verse too good wordplay hell lots of multis and good aproach at the topic but you lacked creativity in my opinion... which is the only reason im goig with nlitend... good job both! Vote-N Lit-End
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01-24-04, 12:17 PM | #9 | |||
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: 8458 EAFD
Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in |
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01-24-04, 12:31 PM | #10 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
ive gotta go with realist this time, thought it was a much more enjoyable read, i liked the approach and the content, it seemed to fit better... the scheme was a bit off, with the flow, but as a whole it went better, than NlitEnd's, your verse was choppy, with a few poor rhymes, which let it down, you had quite an interesting concept, but dropped a bit in the execution.... so vote= rule
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01-24-04, 01:14 PM | #11 | ||||
Over Weight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Dope..Repp SF baby..ok..so time to vote..I'm going with Rule on this..N Lit..Your read was interensting..But Rules just gripped me..it was interesting how he approached it and attacked..But good battle both you..
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Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
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01-24-04, 02:02 PM | #12 | ||||
Straight Savage.
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IP: 8BEC CACE
Vote- Rule
Strong Pieces from both of you. Everything came equally nice from both sides, but N-Lit, You had some forced lines throughout. Rule had a choppy flow, the basic line by line, but had presented his piece nicely. Both did a very good job, but Rule gets my vote because he came stronger in his flow and his organization.
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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?! |
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01-24-04, 02:16 PM | #13 | ||||||
Pleas, Not the teeth...!!
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IP: 76EB A20E
I gona have to go with Rule
I liked both equaly the same, But i had to go with rule cuz i personaly think that N-Lit could have shaved his piece and pressented us with a more tidyer piece... Not saying its choppy and shit, cuz i liked it... But my mind goes towards rule |
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01-24-04, 11:31 PM | #14 | |||||
This is my first post!
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IP: 7158 37E1
you know what....N Litend i really liked ur peice
and if u had gone with the diary thing... like have an omnicent voice/verse that sets immagery that hes actually writeing in his diary like hes sitting in his room and his face shifts, voice that hes speaking while hes writeing,,,and nice coop to the topic on the last line. rule-nice place u took this, blissfull wich is somethings that people dont go through because saddnesss, negative hits the heart more....ya know? but it seems that u took the topic to a goodplace and not tottally.gj. vote-since i beilieve rule had better lines, took it to a creative side, as where n could have taken it creative. rule gets my vote vo.rul.
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<center> <img src="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=9076&stc=1"</img> <A Href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111987">t</a> We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office Aesop. |
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01-25-04, 01:21 PM | #15 | |||
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: B8B0 7253
Rule Wins
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