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01-20-04, 05:16 PM | #1 | |||
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[pre]Whitelightning vs Token
IP: D637 72D3
Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004 Topic: Out In The Cold
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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01-20-04, 07:23 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: F7ED CA3D
Due date is kind of early.
I may need a 1 day extension.. but I'll do my best to get it in by 24th. I'm goin 16 lines. Match me. Since it's pre-season, I'm willing to make exceptions....just pm me if you really need the extention. Write tonight, or tomorrow, and then you should be fine Nevermind I don't need one. I'm going 32 Lines. Go as you wish. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...835#post1123835 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...841#post1123841
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Respect is all I'm after. Prime effort is all you can expect. Perfection will be promised in time. The Creation Last edited by Token : 01-25-04 at 11:10 AM. |
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01-21-04, 10:18 AM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: F7ED CA3D
This is the wife telling the story
Empty beer cans.. Smell of burnt cigarette tobacco My fear expands.. It's hell in this hurtful household Literally walking on egg shells.. Mindful of what I say Knowing the wrong sentence can set off his abusive ways He's sitting there on the couch, I ask of the trash He turned so quick.. I thought he'd get whiplash Then stands up.. walks directly towards me shaking his head Points his finger in my face.. I felt like my lips were lead Couldn't say anything back.. just trembled and shook Bitch, I've worked all day.. Get in the kitchen and cook I just looked in his face.. Like staring death in the eyes Twas a summer night.. But the weather was like winter outside So I cooked.. Feeling depressed.. I was shook yet blessed For this night.. I realized my life was a mess Suddenly he appeared thru the darkness of light Got close and said.. I want your sex all night She was done.. she thought.. That's it I've had it Said.. Ok hunny, I'll get the magnum and unwrap it Went to the closet pulled down a taped up box Ripped the tape off.. It's full of guns and glocks She hid the magnum in her pocket.. Told him to undress So he did then suddenly she held the magnum up to his chest Said.. Get out you bitch.. Get out right this minute I'm done with your abusive ways.. Here.. Let me "hit it" She smacked his face.. Kicked him downstairs.. Said Be gone! So at gun point he went to get his stuff.. .. and she buzzed and said WRONG Out the door now or I'll fill your lips with lead He said hunny..I'm sorry... I might as well be dead *Smiling* I know.. So there he is naked.. feeling shitty Went back inside.. Noticed he was still there.. .. So I went back out with a beer can and said.. miss me? He looked and said.. Oh thank you.. went to grab it so bold And I hauled back and let loose.. ..Same thing that hit me hit him.. And knocked him out in the cold
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Respect is all I'm after. Prime effort is all you can expect. Perfection will be promised in time. The Creation |
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01-21-04, 01:02 PM | #4 | |||||||
De M-O-D Bruk
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IP: 3B20 6C52
So Much Hatred For Only One Being
What The Fuck Aren't You Seeing? You Stabbed My Heart With The Spoon That Thing On Your Shoulder's Is Justa Balloon Misled That Your Ditziness Was Just An Act Your Just A Stupid Bitch, Now That's a Fact You Never Understood The Serious Things Didn't Even Make My Corded Phone Ring How Hard Could It Have Been To Dial The Number Your Cells Upstairs, In Permenant Slumber Why Don't You Just Die, And Make Me Happy Don't Expect Me To Act Sad And Sappy The Time I Wasted, Will Never Be Replaced Concepts Of Love And Caring, You Never Faced I Offered My Feelings And Respectful Time But How Many Times Must I Drop A Life Line? So Many Hints For You To Take Advantage I Hope You Get Knocked Up With Multiple Kids When I Terminated Ties, What Did You Miss? You're More Worried About, Nobody For Christmas Now You See Me, Now You Don't Don't Act Like You'll Miss Me, We Know You Won't If You Truly Still Did, Woulda Prevented The Unfold I Wouldn't Have Left You, Out In The Cold
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It's Gunna Be Some Stuff You Gon' See, That's Gunna Make It Hard To Smile In Da Future...
-Pac Shakur Acro Nim The Initial,Period I Speak Out Battles Pink Slips 007 Pt. 2 Fuck Bruklor aka Self.
Last edited by whitelightning : 01-23-04 at 03:37 PM. |
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01-24-04, 09:11 AM | #5 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
Token - i liked the way you handled the topic, a good concept and interseting, which seemed to flow nicely, and i liked the way the story developed, towards the end tho, the flow fell a bit, thought it could have been worded better, but for most thought the scheme worked well....
whitelightning - a nice slant on the topic, and the flow got going, but thought the scheme in places could be better, it seemed to stop n start a bit, if ya know what i mean, other than that it was decent, liked the way ya finished it... over all im going with Token, thought concept was better and a better feel to the verse, but quite close....vote=token |
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01-24-04, 12:34 PM | #6 | |||
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: 8458 EAFD
Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in |
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01-24-04, 11:08 PM | #7 | ||||
Still Sick
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IP: A8C7 D105
Token-reading your verse touched me..because I was over a cousin's house.. and for the first time..I've seen a women get beaten..and it'a horrible..so reading thise verse made me smile because the woman stood up..too bad my cousin didnt..anyway..you told a great story..I liked the ending..some of the lines were long and you tried to fix it by breaking it up, but it messed up the flow..overall..I give you a 8/10
whitelightning- was up with your verse?..in my opinion..it sucked..it looks like you didnt put any real!! effort in it..like you just keyed it up..it looks like you was trying to tell a story..but it wasnt a good one..flow was the best thing..and even that was choppy at some point..so I give you a 6/10 vote token..
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R.I.P. Bodie Pay Homage To The Best
If you think you better than holla! |
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01-24-04, 11:16 PM | #8 | |||||
This is my first post!
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IP: 7158 37E1
^lmao what a sheltered child.
token-nice peice storytelling was great kept up with the womans emotions and also still flowed the story along, and nice use of the phrase. white-i didnt see the story clearly as i did in tokens and the good lines should cover if ur not going to tell a story i guess.... so id have to say token got this. vo.tok.
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<center> <img src="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=9076&stc=1"</img> <A Href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111987">t</a> We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office Aesop. |
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01-25-04, 06:52 AM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: B99F 20BE
V/ Token
token - lol nice story to your verse..like how she flips near the end..flows a lil blah at times but the rest is there...good shit white - reads like you rushed your verse = / ...still it aint bad..a nice read with some god immagary..you were hitting the deeper approach on the topic just should have tried |
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01-25-04, 11:42 AM | #10 | ||||
^ Says It All ^
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IP: 7A26 D112
Hmmm, Tokens Verse Started Off Good, But Then Fell Off Towards The End...Imagery Was Ok, But I Wasnt Really Keen On The Concpet Chosen. It Was An Ok Verse.
White, Sorry, But I Wasnt Really Feelin Your Verse Much. Your Imagery Was Ok, But It Didnt Really Want To Make Me Read On And Get Into It More. I Was Expecting You To Win This. Sorry, I'm Not Intending To Be Harsh Or Anything, Just Wanna See Both Of You Write To Your Full Potential. Vote - Token
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LLL LW Champ <center>Soft Focus</center> |
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01-25-04, 12:35 PM | #11 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: FF53 66D0
Weak battle
I personally think that whites sucked ass Token actually told a story (even if it was cliche) Imagery was good til the end with tokens Whites was never there Token and everyone......never mention GLOCKS!!!!!!!! Vote - Token |
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01-25-04, 01:23 PM | #12 | |||
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: B8B0 7253
Token Wins
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