What do i do in these situations, do i live up to everyones expectations, should react to this big problems, what do i do in these situations.

I feel like nothings ever changing in my life i an't got a girl or anything good going for my life, my lyrics will just throw u into hysterics i got a fine mind to wine u up like a clock till your broken down nealing on the ground. You never heard of an iller mc ever problbly explains that i do take pills that kill me inside and make my mind hullisinate and tempt fate everytime. I feel like my head has been hit by a million hammers crushing my skull till it's desintergrated and gone. All i see is anger painful tears and upset,always circling in the same direction but acually never going anywhere. I hate growing up and i hate the thought of dieing, but sometimes don't see what's the point of living and careing. im only seixteen but learned i an't keen on life the way its been treating me feels like ive been beaten to death takeing my spirit and tawn away and never to be seen again. I lost friends from my past that i miss and new people in my life who i simply detest now im gonna do a runna and leave my past behind me and pull my pants down forget about the past and make everyone kiss my ass.