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Checkity Check Check

I'ma whoop ya fat ass

Hehe, nah just messin with ya...g'luck cutie...

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awwwww nall....I gotta face drama! ...well here we go..goodluck to you too
check check

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I am pierced with each toss & turn, the springs stab like knives
When I lay in our once shared bed in formerly conjoined lives
I position myself right everynight, so that the biggest knife
slides in a inch to left of my spine an inserts deep in my heart's
Left chamber, to stop the circulation of frustration & anger
But still retains all the old blood stored on the right
which hopefully contains some of the life I had last night
Before u walked out da door & ran off wit my happiness
Sense of self worth, an any reason for bein' on this earth
Ya left me for the best pieces of me, I fill the holes nightly
Insertin' these knives inside'em, preying they'll ignite thee
Regeneration of the large chunks u removed from my soul
But blood never clots, jus trickles out never wanting to stop
Staining the knives with the pain that u deserve to feel
Cuz only seeing your wombs will help me to heal
But these knives can't pierce bitch, they only sever feelings
But ya neurons seised firing in ya brains emotional center
Winter gets a over coat when your outside in december
Cuz your heartlessness plays the biggest part in this
Attributed to your doctorate degree in the art of bitch
But I guess I was your pajamas wit the feet inclosed
Jus something intentionally made for you to outgrow

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DQ-
Good vocab & flow in ur peice, u took dat aspect hands down, wuznt really feelin ur emotion & da creativity iz not da best i seen frum u, it wuz rather basic 2 be honest...nuthin 2 special in da content ov imagination, culd ov used da concept 2 much better effect, scheme ov da peice i wuznt feelin, where as Triple N wuz real creative, but ur structure & complex vocab made diz a real close battle, ur writing seemed more real & not az forced, everythin fitted into place nicely


Triple N-
Much better concept 2 ur peice, had sum iight emotion throughout, imagination wuznt really there, & ur peice seemed 2 make me loose intrest toward da end ov ur peice after deez lines;

Staining the knives with the pain that u deserve to feel
Cuz only seeing your wombs will help me to heal
But these knives can't pierce bitch, they only sever feelings
But ya neurons seised firing in ya brains emotional center
Winter gets a over coat when your outside in december
Cuz your heartlessness plays the biggest part in this
Attributed to your doctorate degree in the art of bitch
But I guess I was your pajamas wit the feet inclosed
Jus something intentionally made for you to outgrow

Seemed 2 lack concsistancy in ur whole peice, started off strongly, wit sum really meaningful & creative lines, then u let ur self go & i lost intrest, if u wuld ov kept da solid content ov ur opening lines, u wuld ov easily took diz because i honestly wuznt feelin da concept ov DQ'z peice

Vote-DQ

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hmm, i have to go with DQ....both of your structures were diff from what you usually do, to start off.

Triple...yeah, you started off with some real, vivid lines....but you really fell off towards the middle and end, i thought, and although i could follow it easily, i didn't like your rhyme scheme, even though that doesn't matter much, i think it still hindered you some in this one. but overall, you had a good idea, but you didn't keep it through till the end.

DQ....i have to say, i really like your old style, i think your sacrificing alot of emotion, and imagery, with trying to rhyme so much....just telling ya, but you still had a solid piece here, came at a different angle, which is good...and your emotion really stood out here....because both had decent imagery...you took emotion though, and thats what pulled through....

v/DQ, good battle to both, keep up.

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