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Checking in................Let's make it good kien Witz.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Better not ho-show, hoe. =D G'luck.

.:Intro:.

Knowing that I'm not in heaven, I'm high as i can be
The birds already looking looking like angles, soaring above me
I can feel the winds slightly force pressing against my body
Thy below is my death, the key to end my life, thee concrete
This world don't give me love nor care, it’s fill with hate
and neglects. The tears from my pupil to my cheeks shows the pain
The tremble knees panoply the fear. But I'm not scared
This the choice I made, I'm not unaware, I’m prepared
Lunged forward my leg do, the air feel so breezy
I looked deep down in the abyss and it stared back at me

:The porch:

I can still feel the rain drops on my head along with my tears
Air is cold, My skin showing goose bumps my cries means fear
Like a person without it's hearing -aid my walks are being un-heard
My hand in the air like i was reaching to god as my body quivered
I feel like I don’t exist, cause everything around me is dark
My body vibrated, spooked, by the noise coming from the stars
Breathing heavily now as the drops of rain force it's way in my throat
As I being gagged, my eyes widen, and vomit starts to erupt out of my throat
Heart-beating so loudly as drums........Tremble my hand goes
Felt this soft texture upon my cheek, like it was from someone clothes

:Love broken:

Knees on the floor, my hands on my face like a mask
Trying not to show my tears buy my senses feel them,
.............................................I wish i was in a cask(et)
he image in my head is hurting my heart and it's disgusting like gay porn
My soul-aches, lips quivering under my breath, heart sound deep by the thorn
Like a rose without it's pedals, I'm feeling so empty Love gone into dust
Like the word sex turned into plastic...it was all fake lust
Raised my head, I see you with him, without me
When i first saw, I gasped in shock. I couldn’t hardly breathe
Body standing in a straight up position, then I turned looking away
Ran, Ran down the street, Knowing "love" in me is now astray

eath set me free:

*falling, falling*

My feet’s are dangling, lips cha by the wind force
Eyes are open, instead of avoiding it. I open my eyes
.................................................. ...Death come forth
Shame, Fear, Love, Care, all this the world posses for me
No I will not scream. My arms is reaching for it,
.................................................. ....come forth death thee
*stops*
Can't feel myself, Instead of blood rushing in my viens..It's leaking
Lungs aren’t working. No I'm not breathing...But I’m smiling
It set me free, the pain is gone, like Advil the medicine
Heaven is not a lie, "It'll set you free" like the bible quotation


Reporter * The policemen found a man dead, after he jumped off a 23 storage building, the only thing that was left of him was his body....soul...and the bible that was left in his hand*



G-Luck.......

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Spiral to Hatred: Tale of Multiple Personality Disorder

Clenched in her hand, the smooth texture of the trash bag,
the contents within initating recollection and the flashbacks.
A black dress, frilly & covered in unnecessary white lace,
from times where she had blacked out, reflections erased.
Tracing her black locks, remembrance of her foreign grace.
Those nights of amnesia, the mysterious ways all erased.
Her stoic face, stares down at a blackhole, a weird abyss,
missing moments, memorable memories of a sweet kiss.

Returning to reality, she stared down at the bag's objects;
she grabbed a dress, drenched it with gas until it was toxic.
An ocean of gas, lost in the motion of the thoughts she had;
labels wet, dresses soaked, she smiled & flicked the match.
It spun through the air and landed precisely on the lace dress,
fire licking her face, eyes lively as if she was demon-possessed.

Her embrace replaced with reality of a real word SHE ruled,
where each moment was precious time as valuable as gold.
Really, all things told, she wasn't really in complete control.
Her arms fold, all the contents of the bag gone, anger fueled.
The times she'd been paid to have sex with horny strangers.
She felt dirty, and every thought something that pained her.
No longer would she be the pawn of the spawn of sexual lust.
She had once been strong steel, slowly deteriorated by rust.

Inside, the answering machine blinked red, a new message..
she felt empty, like her other side was building deep trenches.
"I'm not the other personality, you are, I've got the damn power.
You're nothing, and I won't be ignored by you, a little coward."
Pressed by will, she deleted the message, the ill's wish fulfilled.
"Bitch, I'm real." Finally able to access emotions, to really feel.
She'd no longer be the prostitution prospect-dominated subject.
No longer to respect her payers and to have to stroke the erect.

It took time, 'cuz she slowly approached the sad spiral of hatred.
it'd be a long time until she was out, it'd take a while to let fate in

yea definately this was the best topical battle i've ever seen this was a good battle and very hard to decide so im gonna have to break my vote into pieces and whoever gots the most points will get my vote cuz its very hard to decide. it will go from emotion, creativity, vocab, lines, topic, imagery, metaphors and similes, strong lines, and structure.

Emotion- ok in emotion both did good but i felt tweety won this won she had some words that really brung alot of emotions to her from this piece.
Creativity- none had creativity
Vocab- not really that much in vocab so noone gets this...
Lines- Kein gets this cuz he ahd some lines that were very good that brung emotion but didnt have enuff of the emotion in his piece but this is lines so he still took it cuz he had a good line that i liked
"No longer would she be the pawn of the spawn of sexual lust.
She had once been strong steel, slowly deteriorated by rust. "
Topic-Both were on topic and their own ways so its a tie there
Imagery-Tweety- she had more imagery as she described more on what she went through and some good words that described them good like
"I can still feel the rain drops on my head along with my tears
Air is cold, My skin showing goose bumps my cries means fear"-just could see this in my mind
Metas & similies- i tried to count them all correctly and tweety had the most and still the most effective metas and similies like
"Knees on the floor, my hands on my face like a mask
Trying not to show my tears buy my senses feel them,
.............................................I wish i was in a cask(et)"- good
Strong lines- Kein also had the most strongest lines in this battle had some lines that brung alot of emotions and very good imagery as well but still not enuff of that in the imagery and emotions.
"It spun through the air and landed precisely on the lace dress,
fire licking her face, eyes lively as if she was demon-possessed. "
Structure- Ok first tweety had a good flow to her piece and a good strucure mixed in with it so this will go to tweety cuz it just basicly flowed on throughout the piece kein had a bit of trouble on it but still was good

v/Tweety basicly she had the most when i broke it out so tweety gets my vote very good job to the both of u

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In my opinion.........the topic was bland.

Flow-Kein.....tweety ur lines were too long and I suggest adding some internals.Kein also structured his verse better.
Emotion-Tweety....tweety had better metas and that kinda shit.Only thing I didn't like was that gay porn simile/
Content-Kein...Kein;s story was far more compelling.Esspecially his 3rd verse where he spoke about a bitch who fucked strangers.Tweety.....my advice is to add more interesting shit.It was just,well,with lack of a better word,....boring.
Vocab.-Both of you had a nice vocab.
Originality-Tweety.....as much as I love the hoe shit..it's cliche and tweety was more original.

Close one here......but I gotta go with Kein.
Vote-Kein

interesting topic, both had a different sense of direction...which is good

tweety, i liked your verse, thought you would taken this easily, but alot of your lines seemed out of place, fillers if you will, and you can't use fillers in topicals, ruins the whole effect of your point being made.....some of your context just didn't fit at all, like relating to advil medicine, or the gay porn thing....lines like that just ruined your piece, in a sense, because they seemed highly out of place, like they were just there to rhyme with the next line....and if you have to start doing that, then shorten your piece down....word, solid piece though.

kein, nice piece man, felt it flowed and stayed on topic very well.....different perspective on the topic, but you made it work....and thats the most important thing....i believe anyways....creativity with self-expression, yet effectiveness in writing....well done, good battle here.....but i think kein edged it out

v/kein witz

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