This piece was... New, to say the least. I think you could have picked up your vocan a little bit and deffinetly need some work on your structure... its not reader friendly to have a whole paragraph down. I think you should work on metaphors and refrences, use poetic tools. It seems like you need a lot of work bro... PM me if you want any advice.

But keep dropping, i liked the feeling and emotion of the piece so those are two good things.