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10-30-03, 10:48 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Anger Management
IP: E080 68AF
Anger Management
I don’t like you I don’t like the way you walk Or the way you talk I don’t like what you do Face it, I don’t like you Nor do I like the way you smile The way you move, your clothing style Your hair, your physical appearance All of it is sure ignorance I don’t like you I don’t like how you stand there Smoking, polluting the air How you laugh just annoys me I don’t like what you seem to be And it seems to me that your some Fucking punk who think he’s hardcore Thinks he is better than me, please Your just a straight bitch, nothing more I don’t like you Your body size is just repulsive Your nothing close to attractive Fuck it, your ugly in the worst way I hate you, there’s nothing more to say I don’t like you, your family, friends Associates, even your shitty crew But you know what is really sad I don’t even know you ……… |
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10-30-03, 10:58 PM | #2 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
Ahh, I love the twist at the end of this. And indeed, it is a twist. A self realization maybe? So much distaste for this person whom you hate.. and yet you know not who this person is. Well, obviously you know who they are, but not Who they are... If that makes sense.
Too much hatred in this World, and all too often its because that which is hated, is misunderstood.. or just different. In the end, we are all the same, remember that. Nice write.
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Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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11-01-03, 04:19 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: E080 68AF
Thanks for the feedback
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11-01-03, 04:43 PM | #4 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
wow some strong hate in this piece. makes me all pissy just reading it.
you did a good job getting your feelings across in this piece, they were pretty damn clear. your vocab coudl use some work, and stretch your lines out some too. other then that flow was aliright ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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11-01-03, 05:07 PM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 5F3D 878D
man u need sum counceling, gud rhyme tho.
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11-01-03, 07:51 PM | #6 | |||||||
one wink
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IP: 1B3B C284
Hmmm...well, the title was a bit off the topic. You never led to managing your anger, so why would you title it something that implies some sort of actual management to your anger?
It was very simple, very simple. Vocabulary, scheme, everything...and that was I think made this good. I don’t agree with everyone saying how this had a lot of emotion...errmm Well, yes, this piece had emotion, but not a lot. “Fucking punk who think he’s hardcore Thinks he is better than me, please Your just a straight bitch, nothing more” Errmm...don’t do that, it was more like you were battling (very badly I might add) in the part I just quoted. It really didn’t fit into the piece. Not to bad overall. Keep it up. |
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11-01-03, 10:09 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Good drop. Structure was nice. Could use some better vocab. Structure was good, and u got ur point out right away. Nice ending, totally can relate. Flow was good. Lot of emotion, mainly hate. Overall good job. Keep droppin. Much respect.
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11-01-03, 10:54 PM | #8 | |||
Flyweight
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IP: B5F0 9199
I agree with self, it did seem like a poor attempt of a battle verse in some parts
I think you tried to relate the title in a way thats not relevant to the piece The rhyme was simple, structure was ok, but the content was weak, it didnt appeal to me much but it made me think of how people subconsciously hate; judge before they get to know a person, i dont know if that was what you was trying to get out ( i don't think it was) but overall this was an ok piece keep elevatin
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~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
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11-01-03, 11:57 PM | #9 | |||||||
Guest
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IP: E080 68AF
Quote:
Yeah, that was the point I was trying to get across, with the twist at the ending. As for the title, I wanted to use something that wouldn't give the twist away. By the way, there was no means of trying to make this seem like a battle verse in anyway, lol, just someone hating another person cause they are different. Thanks for the feedback. Last edited by Akira Son Bio : 11-02-03 at 12:01 AM. |
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11-02-03, 12:35 AM | #10 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
Personally, I think this would have been great if it had some real good punchlines in it, and give that battle verse appeal to it.
Anyway... you ever listen to the song "Strange Famous Mullet Remover" by Sage Francis? It's a good song. In one point of the song this guy is all talking "And I don't like anybody touching me. If any of you homos touch me... I'll kill you." Well I got the feeling that the tone that guy was speaking in, was the entire tone of this peice. Just imagining some guy slowly talking with anger in his voice and a pointed finger. Thing is, I just want to know why you hate me so much. Especially since you don't know me. ~Shalom~ |
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04-07-04, 05:17 AM | #11 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 3EC9 2F38
Hatin Me Ain't Good! Do U Know Me I Don't Think So No..........don't Tell Me U F'in Hate Me I Have Enough People Hate'in Me In My Own Lil Town No Help From You
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so what chicks can rap too/ u won't battle me cause i can beat u/ |
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