Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-28-04, 04:01 PM | #1 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
|
~Journey~
IP: 6236 079F
~January 27, 2004~ My deepest decision led to leaving town for three days, Our arguments escalated, soon speeding down the freeway, Putting miles between us, hearts grow fonder with separation Suddenly stomped on the gas, and shot the Honda acceleratin’ Should’ve just been patient, but made the wrong decision Tire popped on a rusty nail, barricades sent the Honda flippin Blood pooled up on the asphalt, death was likely for this creature Medics freed the mangled body, arriving right before the Reaper ~April 26, 2004~ On the hospital’s third-floor, inside the Intensive Care Unit In a trance, unable to speak, I'm just sittin there clueless, Needles pierce pale blue skin, metallic probes Mesh with flesh Machines constantly beep and hiss, monitors Protect from death Mind replaying life’s memories, in fast-forward than rewind When I see a flash of her face, I shed a teardrop every time The crash has left me blind, I rely on memories of her smile, The girl I fell in love with, possibly the mother of our child. wanna see her laugh with glee, cant ask if she’s mad at me, If I could take my decisions back, we could be a happy Family I feel her presence every day, checking up & wishing well Still unable to respond, mind stayt frozen in a living hell Im locked away like prison cells, if it weren’t for love I’d die My Emotionless face stays solid, eyes are tearless but I cry, ~June 23, 2004~ Light rain drops splash rhythmically, against the window pane Show patience with coma patients, pretend there is no pain, Many bandages have been removed, black and blue shades fading Possibly the storm has passed, it appears a new day’s breaking, silently sitting across from each other, we can’t share a word Our auras roam in different realms, still our prayers are heard.. What we had was true love, the crash took her Away from me She left after bitter arguments, while discussing the pregnancy Showed me what true faith was, everytime we made love, I’ve said a million prayers hoping God will make her wake up, Sitting across from you in a daze, now all that’s left is wishing I’ve spent 6 months reliving love, can’t live a life of reminiscing Her physical condition’s slipping, she’ll be visited by the Reaper, I take a large gulp of the poison, I’ll be on the other side to meet her, She awoke for the final second, let out a scream to breaking water, Than cries, “what have you done? I gave my life to save our Daughter” It was too late for her to save me, inside my spirit wasn’t there, We fell down into the bed, lifeless eyes locked in a loving stare... Last edited by Penskills : 01-28-04 at 04:15 PM. |
||||
01-28-04, 04:18 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4287 3F49
dope. nice creativity, u are slowly molding your way to being my favorite son
|
||||||
01-28-04, 05:39 PM | #3 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
^ thanks..stepson...
|
||||
01-28-04, 06:26 PM | #4 | |||
Light Weight
|
IP: 399E F0FD
not sure why cats aint peeping this it was hott tight shit skills
|
|||
01-28-04, 06:52 PM | #5 | |||
"The Eleete"
|
IP: 3C42 2871
Damn.........aint nothin I can say negative bout this piece.....I enjoy reading everything you drop dawg......I got madd respect for you......an take your feedback serious.....this truly deserves to be a legend....as well as yourself....props man....I look forward to reading your work in the future.....peace
|
|||
01-28-04, 06:59 PM | #6 | |||||||
1E
|
IP: DF7B C8F7
one of the strong point of this was the imagery, came across well.... also ya told it well.... kept me interested.... seems like the scheme ya using is getting better, seems alot smoother than it used to.... yeah a decent drop here..with a nice concept... nice....
|
|||||||
01-29-04, 01:52 AM | #7 | ||||||
Banned
|
IP: 5043 32F4
i like your poetic style and storytelling....a nice theme that all can relate to...nice
|
||||||
01-29-04, 11:00 AM | #8 | |||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Quote:
Cool~~~ |
|||||
01-29-04, 11:19 AM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: CC64 0500
very creative with dates n ish, very well written alltogether a good piece....
killa.. |
||||||
01-29-04, 12:57 PM | #10 | |||||||
Light Weight
|
IP: E38C 4580
Dope. . Ain't Got To Long To Reply, It's Time For My Nap, Woop. . Imagery Was Great In This Piece And Helped Me Get ABetter Understanding Of What Was Going on. . Multi's Were Nice, Vocab Was Nice. . FLow Was Crisp Like A New Dolla Dolla Bill Ya'll !. . . Just Everything Was So Damn Dope. . Keep Droppin Strictly DoPe Pieces Pen, I Expect Nothing Less. zP.
__________________
INSTANT. . |
|||||||
01-29-04, 02:27 PM | #11 | |||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Quote:
..I'm Dope~~~~ |
|||||
01-29-04, 02:37 PM | #12 | ||||||
New to RB
|
IP: 01F8 C64F
Gr8 piece. I love everythin u drop. This forum need a new side forum "hall of fame" an this along wid some of ur other pieces belong in it.
__________________
|
||||||
01-29-04, 04:49 PM | #13 | |||||||
Veteran
|
IP: FF89 3C60
My man, Penskills...
This was very, very impressive... Excellent, fuckin tight emotion. Imagery was some of the best I've seen. And the giving birth twist at the end... Dude...way, way dope. I feel like nominating this for Legend status... The worst they can do is say no. Fuckin amazing story, dude. Peace
__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
|||||||
01-29-04, 06:55 PM | #14 | |||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Quote:
thanks..they said no... |
|||||
01-29-04, 06:57 PM | #15 | |||||||
RI's prodical son
|
IP: EBC0 3E3D
This was some hot shit right here..I loved the twist at the end...You mixed it up well...Very good...Uppin for you
__________________
Zero effects |
|||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|