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07-06-02, 05:12 PM | #1 | |||||||
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My Crazy day - Spur o the moment - Peep please
IP: 072B 152E
im out buying my groceries like every other week
a woman checkin me out old enough 2 be an antique checkin out me and my muscular physique, aint gettin much at the mo im havin a ladies leak, so i decide go over and greet her with a kiss she sez pardon me whilst i reminis, u remind me o my husband, he used 2 beat me wit his fists then he broke off our marrige, he ran off wit my sis, i startin 2 get a bit freaked so i start backin away she notices my moves and asks me 2 stay, i darent say no she forearms like cassius clay honest these tings dont happen every day, its just like somethin outa a frekin puppet play, im thinkin o runnin im sayin 2 myself go on but as she rubs my leg along comes Mr erection she notices my boner aimin in her direction and she sez im up for a bed fight like Viet Nam she takes me in the store room and i wont say wot she did but as i went down on my kness i got a putrid smell of squid, now im over here, i ran off 2 madrid but no doubt she be searchin using the referance grid! |
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07-07-02, 08:33 AM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C302 0350
This is quite a strange flow, it was a basic story line but the wordplay was something different... The rhyme scheme was quite simple, used a simple form, multies were used which were good to see, it was smooth... The vocab was lacced, nothing that really caught me eye... I think ya need to work on your ideas, this werent even funny in my opinion, im hoping you were trying to be... This was very basic, ya need to structure your flow on some complexity, keep spitting and elevating, and think with your mind, not with the keys...
Peez... |
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