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11-11-05, 03:27 AM | #1 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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The Sanctuary
IP: 99AB 2E38
The Sanctuary
What the fuck is life, who really uses it to its full advantage and potential Why are we even here, Hades, yes, we all fucking belong to and with you We should all burn forever, no water or saviour to end your fucking agony While Hades laughs, demonically, at your feeble attempts to be free Held in fucking cages while being poked with fire covered javelins Tortured forever, no rest, Hades enjoys the show while i sit next to him We have come to witness the beginning, the rebirth of paradise unspoiled by mankind We are here to eradicate all human suffering, to end the pain, to put a halt on all time We represent what you must become, I am the one who will lead you to paradise With blood stained hands, follow me and i will end all heart aches for the rest of ur life The paradise which you seek is in the shadows from which you cower and hide from Come to the darkness and the shadows and you and that which you run from will be one Only by becoming fear and fear itself can true balance be obtained, and The Sanctuary will open |
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11-11-05, 03:35 AM | #2 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 99AB 2E38
uppin for feedback.................................
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11-11-05, 04:04 AM | #3 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 99AB 2E38
upping...................................
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11-11-05, 06:38 AM | #4 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 99AB 2E38
uppin.........................
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11-11-05, 07:27 AM | #5 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 99AB 2E38
uppin............................................. ..
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11-11-05, 08:46 AM | #6 | |||||
Gods Of War! -yeah im one
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IP: BD47 2B52
this was some deep stuff brother.
I liked the use of words, was a very grown up and evolved peice. The message was clear and didnt stray throughout. The flow was ok and structure was a little stretched but i think that was deliberate. I liked it, read it thru twice and thought it ended well. The only thing that would improve it is the line size 7/10 well done keep it up
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11-11-05, 03:36 PM | #7 | ||||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 21E2 EA6B
nice piece......... flow was ok..... i think it might get mad slept on tho, cuz to be honest, it scares me....... i like the idea, it's pretty original to RV....... more of a spoken word type of thing, i was feelin it........ i'd give it a 7.5/10......... might wanna check the structure a little, dependin on where u were going w/ this.......
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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11-11-05, 10:16 PM | #8 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: DB41 DC69
That's right bitch...
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11-12-05, 07:30 AM | #9 | |||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: C8B3 1C11
Quote:
lol......uppin................................. |
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11-14-05, 07:48 AM | #10 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: 11AF 50EC
nice piece overall...but like chip said it may creep ppl out a lil.....uhm yea ur structure is WAY off so u def need to fix dat....n up on da vocab a lil
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