hmm..you can leave feed on my piece, its right below yours.

The rhyme scheme was pretty basic,..topic was okay, it got a tad repetitive in a short amount of time..like I knew somethin about her dead was coming cuz you kept droppin hints, it was okay. It would had been better if you made it longer, it was too short to get into imo. Still, decent piece. keep writing

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Fear

this was hard for me to get into...i think you're foccusing wayyyyy to much on the symmetry of your lines...rather then just saying what it is your feeling......when your lines are that short...they seem...1...incomplete...2..forced....and 3....theres no room for multis really...not good ones anyways...and multis are sooooo under-rated in topicals....they engage the reader....now...you don't have to use them as frequently as I do...hell..i probably use them too much...but it adds a nice flavor to the piece if you can improve your flow via multis/rhyme scheme....

now...as far as content...it wasn't very original...but...if you can make it your own..that doesn't really matter....extend those lines....allow yourself to speak more freely...and you WILL make it your own.......keep at it man.

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Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

I agree with In-Vision you need to add more multis and you rhyming seemed
forced at times.. I didn't think it was a bad verse nice drop.

shit was ok, agreeing with in-vision here, some of the lines seemed out-of-wack to me... like thats not what u really ment but because of the space u had no choice to leave it at that.... its cool tho. piece was alright, good lines and stuff, has its meaning, but make it longer, explain what u really feel, cus u just kept repeating yourself, only with different words... keep posting kid, dont let your head down.

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

Links or this will be closed in 24 hours.

ur asking for links a week after this shit was posted??? damn u must be ontop of your game boi...shit...

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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father.

pretty basic over all, vocabulary and complexity of the piece was dull and could've been a lil more colorful no real flip to the topic even tho how you expressed your words had little to do with the topic even if flip'd...asking why donj't you love me? and the reason being she's dead....isn't really an eye opener or shock i kinda picked up the body and ending of the piece rather quick. scheme was basic also....meh too short to really ellaborate could've been way better if executed right.

-XM

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

good lines... drop more

Closed.

-Mardu Entite

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crhyme sindicate
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