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07-25-03, 03:47 AM | #1 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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Through a child's eyes
IP: ABE5 5A5C
I opened my eyes to see my mother holding me in her arms
A gentle kiss from my fathers lips ensures that I won't be done any harm My quiet awakening in the middle of the night frightens my mother As she rocks me to sleep I realize I wouldn't want to be with any other The same night on my first birthday I hear my father yelling I don't hear mommy anymore, what happened, there is no telling All through the night I hear her mourning and saying things she shouldn't say I just wait until the daylight comes, it'll be a happy day I'm waiting at the bus stop it's my first full day of school Mommy's on her knees telling me what's right and wrong and informing me of the rules She blows a kiss as I wave goodbye, I'm hoping I make a friend As we leave, a tear rolled down, I knew there was a broken heart to mend The news is on, I see somethings I never knew could be All these killings, bombs and such, and something called poverty A life to give and a life to take, so dreadful to know such things I wish it didn't have to be this way, just watching hurts my feelings I see these men talking with papers, hustling and bustling about Saying that more people are dying and that something had changed from grateful hope... to doubt My daddy left us yesterday, he said he had to fight for us Mommy said he might come back, I say he better and that's a must More people are gone now, Mommy got a call She was crying with the phone in her hand, said he got caught in a brawl She tells me daddy's not coming back, I tell her it's ok She put me to bed and said I'll see him again someday 1 year passed, I see his name engraved upon this big wall I say, this must be the people who were "caught in a brawl" I miss my daddy to this day, I wish that they had set him free I take a stand now and I say, there will be no more killings, bombs and such, and that thing called poverty... This isn't a true story.Just wrote it about the war and all,about how i child feels about the war |
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07-27-03, 07:53 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 84B7 08E9
Emotional yet fairly well guided. Though at times built upon certain parts a bit much. It didn't matter much as the piece overall was so strong in what was being said.
Innocence flowing like a lost river just recently found... ...resp... |
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07-29-03, 03:15 AM | #3 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
uppin^
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07-29-03, 11:52 AM | #4 | |||||||
BANNED
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IP: 2A1B 1FB1
length did seem a little forced in parts but the emotion was full and obvious
really allows the reader to get into the head of the person speaking great topic and you worked it nice from that point of veiw dope drop....keep at it |
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07-29-03, 12:28 PM | #5 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: CEF5 716F
^Thanks for the love^
uppin |
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07-29-03, 03:38 PM | #6 | |||||||
"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
Nice... a very respectful way to voice your views on war. I wish more people had done things this way, instead of rediculing our country durring and before the conflict. I respect your feelings and opinoins even more by the way you chose to voice them. Very responsible and very well put...
Much respect for your views....Well done... Bounce Dog
__________________
FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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07-29-03, 03:46 PM | #7 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
uppin^^^^
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> |
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07-29-03, 11:03 PM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: D251 FCF5
i agree with bounce i too wish more ppl could voice ther opinions this way rather than in hate n crime n such not i like ur work n can clearly c ur reasoning nice drop keep it up
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07-29-03, 11:27 PM | #9 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
upppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn
.................... Last edited by Bruklor : 11-01-03 at 10:29 PM. |
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11-01-03, 07:26 PM | #10 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: 8F25 FB35
...
... ... .... .... .... |
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11-01-03, 11:29 PM | #11 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
when this first started i didnt really know where it was gonna lead me, so it got me interested to wait and see, and it kept building up to the main point. i liked how you drew out the childs peaceful life before the war started. also i like the fact that you never even said what kind of war it was what happened in it who won whatever, just kept it home, in the family. i thought this was a well written piece, and showed mad emotion.
~Tera~ DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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11-03-03, 07:28 PM | #12 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
.Float
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11-06-03, 09:43 AM | #13 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 554A 44F1
good expression of emotions on a issue that seems to have lost its emotions. really puts things back into perspective when you look at things through a childs eyes full of innocence. we forget that people with families and loved ones here are protecting us whether we agree or not. thatnks fo rmakin me not forget
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11-06-03, 05:10 PM | #14 | |||||||
Banned 4 biting
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IP: CEF5 716F
Uppin
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