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09-30-03, 11:28 AM | #1 | ||||
Flyweight
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I wasn't born born a woman (new ish)
IP: F2A2 AE73
I was not born a a girl
I was born a woman, and that I will be untill I leave this earth I'ved rasied children with out the pains of child birth i've had men and boys, they've used me as a punching bag as well as a toy I no longer cry, In fact I never have For that is what little girls do, and I have never had the privlage of being that I have never played childish games No hop scotch No jump rope, not for me nope No hide go seek no playing house Because there were no games in my house Far to much to do in my house You had to do for all before you did for you,and with out a second thought thats what I did Untill I got sick Sick of the cryen sick of the screaming sick of those damn kids So I Ran Yes I took kthe cowards way out But it was the right thing to do I know that now Cause when I left the demon followed me And gave her the will to grow, to wake up, to see And when she saw her life changed She no longer had me around to punch and stomp Kick that empty space on the ground But then again a space can't make those blood curdeling sounds The screams that held tears cause a real woman never cries she only faces her fears So here I am to face you but you trun your back The woman you thought was girl is here for............................. What ?
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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09-30-03, 12:17 PM | #2 | |||||||
BANNED
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IP: 7AA4 D75E
Because there were no games in my house
Far to much to do in my house ^ that threw off your rythm that you had going the DOUBLE house repeat made it an offset however the I RAN line was a simple statement to what this was to me all these things going on in this poem and teh simple wasy out was to run Kick that empty space on the ground But then again a space can't make those blood curdeling sounds^ that was your strong (back bone) to eh peice i felt it was the line with the most RELATIVITY to it.... decent peice chase* Last edited by Content : 09-30-03 at 01:34 PM. |
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09-30-03, 01:28 PM | #3 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 869E 7F01
thanks
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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09-30-03, 07:47 PM | #4 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 6014 213D
Ummm Feed please
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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10-01-03, 01:10 AM | #5 | ||||
That's Right...I'm White
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IP: 0A3D 883F
I thought this was aight...
Sometimes it didn't rhyme, but i think it was meant to be that way... The flow was off a little bit at times. The emotion was there, but there coulda been a little more. The vocab was alright. NIce drop overall.....was a good read peace oh and don' forget to check out my latest piece it's called.... What is Anger? |
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10-01-03, 01:20 AM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 9B33 081B
I'ved rasied children with out the pains of child birth
this was deep and emotional this particular line made me think back to people i knew like this. i went through sort of the same thing but i am male and it wasn't the same burden. i love the simplicty of the words that belie the true complexity of the matter. No hop scotch No jump rope, not for me nope No hide go seek no playing house Because there were no games in my house Far to much to do in my house i liked this, everyone else be damned grrrrr. just because you used house more than once means nothing. if you say it a little quicker than the original rhyme scheme. like thisV no hide go seek in my HOUSE, no games in my HOUSE, far much to do in my HOUSE that is ill she's trying to emphasize the house and the anger she has for it. the way you wrote it kinda brought the emotion out in it. you can't write poetry, hell, even lyrics by a blueprint, you pulled this off fine. |
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10-01-03, 09:17 PM | #7 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: DCD7 B384
thanks, this is some thing I just just wrote I finnaly faced how I felt when I ran away from home
__________________
I live to die and Destance my self to Feel My life is an oxymoran Like a suicide Pill |
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