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07-16-08, 01:05 AM | #1 | |||||
don't try.
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ever been lost..
IP: EBB4 6039
ever been lost..
by: Lay Ever want something so bad you can taste it.... She's outta my grasp, I let outta laugh to try an play it off another day is gone, an its still her boyfriends love she's stayin on He mistreats her an takes her for granted.. I can't fuckin stand it if I handed her my heart,..I wonder if she'd take it or just stand pissed my love's been branded by her mark, I want to find out what this trance is I didn't plan this or for things to end up like this.. her with him an me alone..it was just poor decision that took a wrong turn an I'm draggin behind her as I get carried along burned. I feel like I'm the filling bar's purposely placed in a long verse. an when a love songs heard - I ressemble some miserbale pawn hurt. I'm stuck on her..she's in my head like brain cells. an all this pain remains felt as I keep it balled up inside my vain self. as a stirring hate swells while I take it out on my body to raise welts. still my feelings remain stealthed.. If happiness is wealth, then I guess this a humble welcome to poverty laying here still sobbering, with my heart an mind wrecked while pondering there's nothing left to bother me.. I'm in a sedated state except not asleep. head over heels as I'm left hovering grounded her love - with a hand at my throat I feel like I'm smothering without it this is another love thats doubted, postponed but inevitable.. all this tension rules my thoughts inner depths of regrets that you'll never be mine, my methods unconventional but will let you define my love an reveal that its sensible, breathtaking an intentional love is an invention you'll wish had a warranty to catch you when you fell...an I"m still falling for you..still waiting I had you once, but I feel like I've lost you an when it comes to us,..without you I feel like I'm lost too. She's outta my grasp, I let outta laugh to try an play it off another day is gone, an its still her boyfriends love she's stayin on
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Fear |
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07-16-08, 01:10 AM | #2 | |||||
don't try.
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IP: EBB4 6039
I'll have links up shortly.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3222738 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3222739
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Fear Last edited by Lay Fear : 07-16-08 at 01:29 AM. |
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07-16-08, 11:53 AM | #3 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 3015 7992
nice drop man, kinda scary lol but still a good drop. i only say scary causethe amount of emotion you brought to the verse had me thinkin at anytime you was about to kill someone. either the chick or her boyfriend lol. but this piece was very well worded. good to see u toned down the multies a bit, it allowed me to make a better connection wit ya verse instead of feeling like im listening to a papoose song. but yea i feel like you really let your emotion breath on this track. every line showed pain and anguish in and artistic way.
If happiness is wealth, then I guess this a humble welcome to poverty dont even need to put the other line with it, that one line alone sums up the quality of the entire piece. a well worded emotional piece that grabs the reader. the only thing i could really critcise would be the lack of imagery, although this piece didnt really need it because it wouldve been completely overshadowed anyway. a very good drop 8.5/10
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07-16-08, 01:07 PM | #4 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 21D6 AF37
yo my man this drop was crazy tuff. i was feelin the emotion alot probably becuz i just had a nasty breakup my damnself.yea u was on a lil bit of snappin but had sum real good lines nitro already beat me to the quote tho.pretty good choice of vocab and it flowed well in my opinion.GOOOOOD drop
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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~ |
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07-16-08, 03:39 PM | #5 | |||||
don't try.
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IP: EBB4 6039
Thanks for the feed guys, appreciated. Leave links if you want me to hit up your pieces.
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Fear |
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07-16-08, 03:50 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 21D6 AF37
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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~ |
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