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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-24-03, 04:03 PM
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#1
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Guest
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"Realistic Element"... a short free
IP: C602 4777
Your soul is like enticing raindrops kissing my face on the sunniest day in the world equipped with neverending sugar dissolving...life is great especially when good times are involving.. I'm latexed with affectional coating due to your automatic prescription... I envision that our life will be "happily ever after" like sitcoms on television...ohwee I'm remeniscin back to that time when we was in the alley kissin... and then took it to the twin towers of lovin and *sizzles* uhmmm.. you was hittin... *break, then snaps*, but yeah, back to my intentions.. I want the whole universe to know how we really livin'...word is bond son.. no doubt this life has got it going on....
Last edited by lyrical_lady : 11-24-03 at 04:08 PM. |
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11-24-03, 04:45 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
This was good. Lil weird, but good. The structure could have been a lil better, instead of it bein one big paragraph. The flow was a lil off cause of that. Font's a lil big, but its ok. Kinda pops out at ya. Good imagery. U got ur point across and thats all that matters. U put some emotion in it and i felt it. Good job overall. I liked it. Much respect. Keep droppin.
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11-24-03, 04:58 PM
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#3
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"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
Nice for a random structureless rant. I am so familiar with this type of style, it's so abstract it makes sense here. You are just freely writting on a feeling and situation, so no need for all the complexities of traditional poetry. You could have done more with the ryhme scheme, in my mind that was the only problem I seen. Not so much a problem but something Iwould improve on. Sounds like you two had a good time. Props on your openness, it's not an easy thing to be open.
Bounce./...
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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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11-24-03, 05:15 PM
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#4
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Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
i liked this.. i think you could've improved on the structure and rhyme scheme a little bit.. but other than that, and overall, this was a good piece. good vocabulary and some emotion. nice drop ma keep 'em comin
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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